Patience is key

[addie]

Thanks CBK - I was able to calm down. It helped to vent on here and get support.

H came over last night (called first). He played ball with S outside. I had gone for a walk to the lake by myself to watch the beautiful sunset and clear my head. While they were outside I put on an upbeat CD, had a bit of Port and did some cleaning up. I was actually in a much better mood.
After S went to bed, I had a cup of tea, watched the news, read the paper and then went to the bedroom to read. H was quietly playing his acoustic guitar, going through some songs. At about 11:30 I told him I was going to sleep and asked him to lock up when he left.

A while later he comes into the bedroom, lies down on the bed and says he'd like to ask me a few questions. It was an extremely ODD conversation.

H- You have many, many wonderful qualities
Me- Thank you for saying that
H- When we ML did you ever feel you had to get drunk to have s*x
Me- Definitely not
H- Did you feel satisfied when we had s*x
M- Most of the time yes but not always. (I went on to explain this.)
H- Did you enjoy s*x
Me Yes very much
H- How important do you think s*x is in a M
Me- Very important. It plays a major part in a M
H-How do you define a normal R
Me- That's a very broad question and it's different things for different people
H-When we were going out, did you get mad at me if we didn't see each other every day, if I was doing other things and I didn't see you
M-No. I didn't expect to see you every day. We each had our own lives independent of each other
H-You think it's important to do your own things
M-Yes. We've always pursued interests independent of each other. I don't think we have to spend all our time together

I have no idea what all this was about. Our s*x life was always pretty good. The only thing I can make of it is that these are some of the issues he is/was having with OW.
He also said that he's very, very ashamed of how he's treated me. Then I said to him "As much as all of this has been so very difficult on S11 and me, I think it's been much more difficult for you. You are in a lot of turmoil. To be honest, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes".
Then he asked me about S and how he'd be affected. I told him that kids would ALWAYS be affected by their parents D, even adult children would be affected. At this point while H was lying in bed, I told him it's not a good idea that he stays over, that it must be very confusing for S to see him in our bed in the mornings. He said he'd leave. I told him that he is obviously so very confused, that I don't want to be dragged into that confusion and that he should really seek help in dealing with his issues. He agreed that he needs help. He left and I gave him a hug as he was leaving.