I wanted to wait and respond to everyone when I really had the time to devote ...

Rob, COW is my new name for OW! LMAO! It's very fitting for her.

As far as giving her so much control ... my H has insisted that he needs to keep things amicable with her because of the legal sitch. At first, I saw that as total BS and it was just a reason to continue contact with her. Actually, at first it probably was! But as time has gone on, I sort of understand. However, I think things probably could have been handled differently.

As far as her phone calls, I do not answer the phone every time she calls. 98% of the time I do not. Neither does my D14. I've probably talked to her on the phone 6x in the past year. And only had an actual conversation with her on 3 of those calls.

Most of the time, I do just let the phone ring. Once I even unplugged the house phones for awhile. She does her calling marathons usually when she's drunk and can't reach my H.

Sandi, I don't really talk about OW alot. That's one thing I've done real well! Why? 1 - Just giving H his space. 2 - Didn't really want to know! I ask or talk more about her now but not too much. I know he has appreciated the "peace" I have given him the last few months. When COW ( ) has been on her worst rampages, I would be calm, cool and collected. I know this has been very supportive for him.

I can see now that this accident was both a blessing and a curse for our sitch! Someone asked how badly was she hurt. Pretty bad, but not critical (I don't remember the specifics). Both of them were taken to a small hospital after the accident. She was flown out of there to a bigger hospital. My H was not.

And now do I have to talk about the drinking? That's one area that I feel I have no control over. And it's killing me. He knows he has a problem. He knows I'm concerned about it. He knows our D14 is concerned, too. Does it stop him? No. Because he's an alcoholic.

If anything positive comes out of this accident, it will be the fact that he's going to have to face his problem and get help. I can't make him do that.

Do I think we can ever get a good solid footing if his problem does not get addressed? No. If he doesn't get help, he's looking at escalating health problems. And it will only be a matter of time before he gets another DUI, etc. I know it. For now the drinking is the elephant in the room that is being ignored. But it's only a matter of time before it starts to get really stinky.

I do know that the current stress level in his life is making it worse, too. I'm waiting it out. But I know I'm going to have to face that elephant one day.

Yoyo ... there is a legal status hearing for my H next week, it if it's not postponed yet again! In 3 weeks, it will have been a year since all this happened. UNBELIEVABLE.

Liz ... He's gone to a couple AA meetings. I also suggested a counselor. The fact of the matter is the court may force him to do that. It's just taking too long! I know from what I've read that he has to want to get help. Sometimes even hitting rock bottom doesn't wake them up. Sometimes when they hit the bottom it's too late...

Thanks everyone ... I hope I responded to most of the points brought up!