I had headaches all day yesterday, and woke up with them again today. But, I am better as a whole.

I read all of the posts from my first thread again, and these new ones. I'm just going to have to know that I am going to have "good days" and "bad days" for awhile until my H and I get some good togetherness under our belt and until we get to retrouvaille to get some more help.

I am solid in what I want. I did not "break" yesterday and did not contact the OM in any way. I want my "family" more than anything and I got to be willing to get through this and put in some major work to make it happen. I was reading, "After the Affair" yesterday to help and it said it could take months even years to get over the OM pain. I believe that. It doesn't take much to bring up memories. I wish I could stop the OM thoughts but I have no control over it. I have to do more with H and keep busy and get some new thoughts.

Thanks so much to all of you with the supportive words. I really needed them. L21959, your key words were "make the choice to work together with H toward a R you are both happy with" and "do it for your s"....that's what I need to keep saying to myself. Kat, your words "look in the mirror and see who you want to be"- I want to look in the mirror and see a mother and a wife who is happy and the only way that is possible is to keep working on it with H. I want to be with them and be happy, so that's what I need to do. You were right, too, in that the OM didn't know all of me, only half of me...I never thought of that. CBK, I really could have used a beer with you, although that would not have reassured my H much- \:\) The virtual beer was perfect. karen, thank you. Jeff, I accept your apology and I know why you said what you did. I have come to think of all of you as close friends so remember when you say things to me I take them to heart. I can't lie, what you said was like a slap in the face, got the tears going, and made me think "he has no idea what I'm going through, no one does, I shouldn't come here anymore" but I just needed a day to think. I need to be here and you need to hear what I have to say.

Ok, whew, after all that, let me talk a little more positive. When I got home, H was barbequing some chicken on the grill. I layed down on the couch (migraine) and talked to him as he proceded to cook the whole meal! He made corn on the cob and these potato packet things. Everything was delicious. I made sure to thank him over and over. He also talked to me and he knew something was wrong. I just told him it was my headache. I read the "affair book" and it said it wasn't a good idea to say anything about the pain of the OM because it only hurts him more (probably why my post hurt you, jeff). So, I didn't. After we got my son in bed we did our budget together and talked about what we want to plan for next. Then, we got tired and went to bed. This morning, migraine again, took 4 ibuprofen with food. H took son to T-ball. I have work to do today, not looking forward to it.

Going to lay for a bit more, get headache away, and get ready to get some work done so I can spend time with family later this afternoon.