I too shed a tear while watching Greys, at that same moment. Your story is so similar to mine. My H texted the OOW 100 times over the course of 3 weeks. All the while "trying" to work on our M. My husband moved out 04/13/08! 2 days after our 16th wedding anniversay. He told me on our anniversary that he decided to move out to "clear his head". My H moved in with his parents (his mother cooks, cleans, does his laundry and makes his bed for him) I should be thankful that he continues to go to counseling. We have our second counseling session (together) on Tuesday. We have both been going individually.
If you ever want to talk and compare stories feel free to contact me through this site. Good Luck Neecy. I'll include you in my prayers tonight.
Me 41 H 42 T 21 yrs M 16 yrs S15, S11 Bomb 1: Not happy 09/06 Bomb 2: Not in Love 02/08 Bomb 3: Admits to EA, poss PA? with OOW 03/24/08 Moved out 04/11/08 (our 16th wedding anniversary) Go Bills! Go Sabres!
I guess our WAS usually go through about 6 months-2 years of insanity like that (or so I've read here)
There are definitely ways to speed that up considerably. It depends on how much conflict you can handle. Personally, I found my aggressive approach easier to handle than what I can only imagine two YEARS of that kind of Hell and limbo would be.
Well I did confront him prior to reading any of this. He came here after he got off work to "discuss" He snapped his phone in half when we were arguing while I was driving to his store because he was so anrgy I would not let him get a word in. So the only time he every really said much to me was through text and that will be no more, his cell was the only way to contact him if we "needed" him outside of work hours, the phone is the only daddy my D has every night when she goes to bed.
The denials drive me nuts, he still says OW is "just his friend". I said how can you say that and then you text her 40 times in one day while you are "trying" not to contact her. He said it is about nothing just general conversation. I said you would never text me 40 times (although he has) he said when I text you you don't respond, sometimes I text a number of texts and you don't respond. I told him there is no try it is a decison - like I keep hearing everyone say. I told him that I do not call or text even though I want to really bad, that is a decision it is possible. He said why, why don't you call or text? Why do you try to stay away? I said because I am not pursuing you, you said it was an issue at MC, he said well you can.
I did call the lawyer again when I got home yesterday, she was again not in, left a message to return my call.
Talked to H about legal separation I think he realizes that is becoming the only option. There were some nasty points in the discussion like him saying at one point that he was going on Monday to have his work deposit his cheque into another account so he could save up money. I advised if he thought prior to that that he had no abanndoned his child that the fact that he moved out, gave no forwarding address, now has no contact number and is withdrawling financial support even to community debt did not look very good on him.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
So I filled out the legal separation kit. Pretty straight forward. H stopped in to "check on me" after he got off work. Asked him to read it, he said tomorrow. Told him some of the info I put and he got all flustered when I said the house would be sold. He said I thought you were buying out the house. I said I do not think I can afford it. Well you should check into it before you sell it. I said I don't really want to live here anyways, this is not my house it is our house, I really don't even want to live in this town(which I don't) we moved here because this is where all your friends are and this is where you grew up, there is nothing here for me.
I remember awhile back when he would "joke" about all this stuff very early in the process. I think in his mind that he though that he could go do what he wanted and even if we got the separation what would happen is that I would refinance, I would assume the house and everything would still be the same if he decided to return home just some money movement in the background.
I asked him yesterday for the cell phone number of the guy he is claiming to live with and got an immediate Why? I said because I have no way of contacting you if you aren't at work since you smashed your cell phone. What if D and I got in a car accident, I have to wait until you go to work for you to be told? So when he stopped home he said he asked his mother to borrow her cell but it was dead. Then later he called from "the guy's" cell but the number was blocked(not private, not out of area, but blocked) I asked why, oh he has it set up to always block the number..., oh ok what is the number, I don't have it on me. It is becoming more and more likely in my mind that H is living with OW and not his friend.
Last edited by neecy22; 05/04/0812:55 PM.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I asked why, oh he has it set up to always block the number...,
Ewww. When I confronted H last summer why *67 was in front of OW's number on his phone (I walked up to him, demanded to see his phone, he had no choice but to show me), he was such an idiot, saying 'That's how she gave it to me'. Yeah, neecy, we are smarter than that, my friend.
No more asking H how to reach him. That is part of this separation, he isn't privledged anymore to know of your comings and goings. Find another 'emergency' contact for all things.
Certainly sounds like it, Neecy. (on the phone/living with OW)
He reminds me of a kid who goes off to college, and then graduates, is 25 years old, living on his own, but still expects his mom to keep his room and all his stuff the same.
I think you need to call him once and for all on the lies. If he wants to be with OW, and doesn't want to be married, that's one thing, but it's incredibly disrespectful to you to keep lying right to your face.
I had to re-re-RE-confront my wife on this, two months into her affair. Basically told her that -- REGARDLESS of what she wanted to do with "us" -- she needed to stop lying to our kids and lying to her parents, and -- worse - -making ME look like the bad guy. I told her I had proof of her affair, and either she came clean with our adult daughters and her parents, or I would give them my evidence. And I told her she had 15 minutes to decide.
I just couldn't handle the deceit anymore. I told her that "we've always taught our kids that it's NOT ACCEPTABLE to lie, and yet here she was, doing it -- DAILY.
We drove together to go tell her parents, and she told my daughters the next day. At least it was all out in the open, and from that point forward we'd at least be dealing from truthfulness as a family.
Less than a month later, she ended her affair, and came back to our marriage.
