Pregnant and heading for acceptance #2

[blindsided1]

Thanks Ellie and Forrest. I actually did go on line and tried to find out any info I could on her, early on. Not much to be found that way.

The evenings ARE hard. I have tons of things to do, but I get sorrowful and I tend to start thinking about H. I'm doing it now. It's different though than most of the time. I started crying tonight because I miss my H. I miss his love and companionship. I miss being M to him. I miss knowing he is my family. I don't feel that he is my family anymore and it hurts my heart. This crying was not the gut wrenching pit in my stomach kind of crying. It was genuinely sad as though someone has died. In a way, someone has.

I have rearranged the house and I took everything that reminded me of my H down early on in the separation. I couldn't look at our wedding pictures or things he gave me or cards he wrote. The only thing I still have out is my wedding ring, sitting on my finger, reminding me everyday that I am M to a man who doesn't love me or want to be M to me. I am reluctant to take it off, but I think I am getting closer. I look at it now and it doesn't have the same feeling. I wish I could look at it an know it means love and committment. But, I guess only I believed that was what a M meant.

I'll get through tonight and hopefully back on track. No communication from H in a couple days. I'm sure that is part of it. I just need to learn to work through these days and not follow through on the urge to text him some meaningless text to open the lines of communication.