Luckily, the positive feedback-loop nature of marriage means that, eventually, your wife will be forced to respond positively to your positive efforts, perhaps after an initial bout of skepticism about whether you really mean it, and aren't just "trying to get laid."
IMO, you have hit upon a weak link of the SSM approach. Despite the sincere positive efforts on the part of the suffering HD partner, there simply is no guarantee that the LD partner will ever respond. None. It is entirely possible that those efforts will result in nothing more than creating a somewhat spoiled LD spouse who still has no desire for sex.
I read the Rosbergs' book also, and the same flaw is contained within it. Getting a positive response from the LD partner is not, as the Rosbergs seemed to suggest, a sure thing, regardless of what the HD partner does. Actually, the Rosbergs take it a step further, by ruling out the option of divorce completely, regardless of how hopelessly intractible the situation is.
NTE, I profoundly sympathize with you, you've brought back some painful memories for me. I hated holidays too! And also your wife's description of a perfect romantic evening! Classic.
Your situation was worse than mine, in that I had no children with my LD spouse, nor money problems. But the physical aspects, my wife's behavior, how she viewed my desires for sexuality, etc. etc. etc. were identical. I after several years of effort, I finally concluded that she was LD to ND to the core, and that nothing was going to change that. The D should be final in about 6 weeks. It's still painful, and I doubt if I would have had the strength to do it if we had kids.
I have no answers for you, my friend, only a prayer for God to grant you strength - and maybe a miracle.
