Stronger - but still confused

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Nothing all that new to report, just feeling alone and I am a social person.

Why, that's why WE'RE here, my dear!!

So whatchadoonin'??

Puppy

[GoingForward]

H asked if she asked about him coming,

My H would ALWAYS ask if the kids asked about him. I think it's because he wanted to know if he was ever thought of. He wanted to know if he was missed and cared about.

Sooooo, Neecy.......Where are you hiding, sweet lady? How are you feeling now?

[Snow White]

I am still feeling down.

Thursday is one of the only nights that I find has good TV so I watched Grey's Anatomy (and still contend perhaps H has a brain tumor(is anyone else watching?))
That show always makes me cry but last night right at the end Bailey said to Addison(who has been away for a bit) "I am not talking, I am not talking because I don't want to tell you that H left, that I am sleeping alone for the first time in 12 years because if I tell you that I am going to break down and I don't have time for that." or something along those lines. It really hit home, right down to the 12 years.

I don't like being alone, I don't want to be alone. I lived with my parents until we bought this house just prior ro getting married and moved out then.

I want someone to watch tv with, to talk about my day with to have supper with because my D only eats about 4 different things so it seems kinda silly to cook a roast for 1. I am so tired of waiting because I am too lonely.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm sorry, Neecy. I am praying that things break for you very soon. You are so much stronger now, you deserve to have some good things come your way.

Puppy

[GoingForward]

(((((((Neecy,)))))))

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time . Dark days are no joy.

I was like you. Never had been alone before. I moved straight from my parents' house into another house with H. Those first couple of months after he moved out were the toughest, saddest, darkest days up to that point in my life. However, they were also the calmest, least stressful days for me. No more creeping on eggshells, no more having to hide the pain. I could just be by myself and let it all out (while the kids were in school, of course!).

After giving myself plenty of time to grieve, I began to feel better, and I soon realized that I had "survived" what I thought I never could. I used to think I couldn't live without my H, that I wouldn't be able to function without him. Boy was I wrong!

I know it doesn't quite feel like it right now, Neecy, but you will be alright, and you will make it through this terrible time. You will come out of it stronger than ever before.

And you're not alone. You have people who care about and love you - here and at home. Remember that.

(((((Hugs)))))

Now, what's up for GAL this weekend?

[Snow White]

Its hard to explain, everything is easier, I eat when I want, the house is cleaner, D is better behaved because she is getting all the attention, it is calmer, more peaceful. I don't need him there. I just don't like not having someone there. I can function perfectly, I just don't want to. I feel like I want to replace him as soon as possible if he isn't coming back because what I need is companionship.

He picked up my wrestling tickets today. I did ask earlier in the week(when he was claiming to be moving home) if he wanted to go. He promised to pick them up. He called this morning to tell me he did pick them up and where they were. I asked if he was coming or not his answer "maybe". I asked for a response by noon.

H - Why who wants them?

Me - I will still be going just want to find someone for the 2nd ticket

H - Who?

Me - the possibilities are endless

H - X(the guy who bought me a beer a month and a half ago that he harps on constantly) or Y ( a guy at work who said hello to me on my facebook wall)? His jealously issues are ridiculous he can go on for days because someone said hi, or months because they bought a beer.

Me - No, I was actually going to flip an email down to the bridge to see if anyone was interested in coming with me for the second ticket. (I work for Customs and there are about 200 officers down at the bridge closest to me)

He contacted me at 12 - while I was on lunch to say I might have to work late on an action plan call me. So when I did it was I might have to work late tomorrow but give me another hour and I will let you know (making it 2:00 - I asked for time to find someone else).

I thought about it after I hung up and sent him a text. If you WANTED to go you would tell your work you had tickets to this event already and you could not stay late. Since you were undecided if you even wanted to go before this came up why don't you just forget about it and I will find someone.

There is one more thing I am concerned about. I got my cell bill yesterday which means H's will be in today likely. It will contain the first 11 days after he moved out. I am scared to see what it holds. It may be the final nail in the coffin.

So the GAL - its wrestling - I will go alone if I have to. I also moved some stuff around in my garage, I will be parking my car inside it on Saturday night after wrestling so H does not know when I come home. Don't have much else planned 2 days goes quick, D is having her first friend come over to the house Saturday afternoon so it should give me a little room to relax.

[GoingForward]

I thought about it after I hung up and sent him a text. If you WANTED to go you would tell your work you had tickets to this event already and you could not stay late. Since you were undecided if you even wanted to go before this came up why don't you just forget about it and I will find someone.

Good work, Neecy. Make your own decisions and SHOW H you're not going to wait around on him. Show him your life will go on, with or without him.

Have a great weekend!

[Snow White]

Does anyone remember me saying at the beginning of last month that I am ruled by hormones that at the beginning of every month I go a little crazy if oyu go back through the sitch. I don't apologize for the crazy because it is all well deserved, I just don't have the impulse control I need at the beginning of the month.

I got H's cell phone bill. It showed not only was he calling OW at work as he said but he has also been calling her cell since he moved out. An average of at least once a day. It also shows him tlaking to her for 13 minutes prior to walking in the door the day he told me that he was leaving for a week or two to clear his head. So angry I went to his store to pick up my wrestling tickets, I told him I was coming and pissed and he left on a delivery so I had a word with his boss (who was at our wedding) I told him the situation figured this was probably the end anyways but that H had indicated it was impossible not to talk to her, he agreed that he did ask H to call the other store a lot but he did not know the sitch and he could ensure that if a call needed to be made to that store for work purposes someone else would do it. That being said any calls to her store that I see on my H's cell phone are likely not work related or he could have used the office phone.

So when I got home I decided to look at the text message log, well all of a sudden telus has added the number to the end - never there previous months. H has texted OW 40 times today and yesterday. This was the new "trying" not to contact her. I guess he thought I wouldn;t know who he was texting. I went back through the month and he hadn't texted her at all until the big blowup at his birthday then after I told his parents it all let loose again.

One more very upsetting thing. H was the blocked call that freaked me out the night that his parents banged on OW's door. This means one of 2 things, 1 he was there or 2 she texted him and he tried to see if I was home or not. There was no call to him from her. I am beginning to really question if he is living with her.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Neecy,

Don't confront him. Don't play offense, but DAMNED sure play defense. The next time he says "I'm trying," let him have it. "I'm sorry, is 40 text messages in two days 'trying'? See, I have a much different definition than you do. I can interpret this one of two ways: either you're lying to me, or you're too weak to stop yourself. Either way, I can't live with that -- it's not healthy for me."

But that's just me.

Puppy

[karen43]

See, I have a much different definition than you do. I can interpret this one of two ways: either you're lying to me, or you're too weak to stop yourself. Either way, I can't live with that -- it's not healthy for me."

But that's just me.

Puppy

I agree with you mostly Puppy, but I think he's lying and he's too weak to stop himself!!! I guess our WAS usually go through about 6 months-2 years of insanity like that (or so I've read here).! So sorry for you, Neecy! You've done so great, and are still doing great (as Puppy pointed out)! I really just think they go crazy for a while! Karen