Living one day at a time

[Dr LOve]

Journaling,

Today was ruff. I think I had my first nicotine withdrawal. I was really jumpy. I have been thinking back and forth about just giving up and telling W we just should separate. Then I think that this will most likely give her a nerves break down. She is stressed looking for work even though she is setting her sites to high. I think she may be seeing the light and try for something smaller for the short term. So If I guit like I said this will only make things worst in our home right now.

BUT...
When I came home W was gone. No note (one of my pet peeves LEAVE A NOTE) but when she got home I did not say anything. She walked in and said Hi in a cheerful way I said hi back. Then she left to go pick up son from school. So I left WITHOUT leaving a note... I went over to my uncles and worked on my wood splitter; I got it running and decided to split a little wood while I was there. I cam home at dinner time. I had to take things to my shop out back so I came in through the back door. Then I sat down in the family room and started watching T.V. Wife had made Pizza (just like you ZuZu) for dinner and then said "Since you are resting do you want me to get you some pizza?" I was shocked... I said ya sure. She brought me some pizza and asked what I wanted to drink. I said water will be fine so she filled a glass with Ice and then water and gave it to me. I said thanks...

WHY... why when I am ready to throw in the towel does there alway have to be a turn in events? My reading today....


You may have reached the end of the line and what worked well for you in the past may have outlived its useful life. Don't try to hold on to memories that only bring you pain. Let the thoughts bubble into consciousness and then leave them in the past where they belong. Try conjuring up some of that famous Piscean compassion so you can judge yourself less harshly. Being kind to others starts with you first.

So that's about it. I have gone 5 days now without smoking. It is starting to get to me but I am not going to give up.
Guess I am not going to give up on my marriage yet either...

Later

Oh yea.. The other day when I came home from work I went into her office. She was at her computer. I walked up to her and put my hands on her shoulders and gave her a kiss on the cheek. When I looked at the computer she was looking up medical stuff......