First off sorry you are here. You are in good company, and you can survive this.
Second, there are some really good resources at the top here, take some time to read them. I caution you on two things: Forget the time line, don't do that to yourself. Do not spend much time trying to figure out what stage they are in or chart the stages, its a futile excercise and will frustrate you and your efforts.
Third, If you're real name is Jay Scott. Change your screen name when you post here. This is your sanctuary. Do not tell your wife about this place. This is our safe haven.
Other points...
There is no magic bullet or way to speed this up.
You will need to be patient, the attrition rate is high, (most) men I do not believe have the patience to do this for any length of time, compared to our stronger gender counter parts.
There is NOTHING you can do to help her currently, so help yourself. Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Lemons into lemonade. Trite cute and a great time killer while you improve yourself and your realtionship with your boys.
Like you I have two boys of similar ages.
About children, kept them kids, not your confidants, not your support structure. Not your friends. Do not speak poorly about their mother in front of them.
You are vulnerable you will be tempted. Keep yourself out of situations where you will be tempted.
You sound strong, thats good. I hope you can do this.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
