I can only imagine the pain you are feeling...although I can imagine how very real it is. But I can tell you about the pain your H and S will feel if you go back to OM...
As a woman whose H is in the midst of a very intense, passionate longterm A (although he thinks it's all still hidden), I would give the world to have my H give me a fighting chance to work through our problems together.
Please give your very best effort to work through this, to turn away from OM and work through your pain, and to make the choice to work together with H toward a R you are both happy with.
Do it for your S...he alone is blameless in all this. He deserves nothing less than you feeling you've left no stone unturned...
