I haven't posted much lately...not much to say except same old, same old....
On Wednesday, I took D7 to hospital through the ER...she has pneumonia.She allready has an existing condition of a collapsed section of her lung..so she is extra fragile there. I had texted H that I was taking her to the hospital, I got no response, so I assumed he was busy or unavailable. I took the other two kids to a dear friend who offered to look after them for me. When I got to the ER, H started calling, but my phone was turned to silent as we are not allowed to have cellphones in there. I saw the calls and just sent a TM saying we had just arrived an were waiting for our turn. He was desperate, and anxious...asked me why I hadn't called...and what was wrong...I told him that I was not sure yet, that we were going in for X-rays...he asked if he could come over...I sent a TM saying, 'of course !' anyway, apparently he drove like a crazy man, and came into the ER very emotional and in tears...D7 and I were sitting there very calmly...just hearing the results of the X-rays...we were told that she would have to stay till Monday in the hospital. Last time this happened was 3 years ago, and in that year of horrible and many hospitalisations, that is the year that our marriage broke down.
Now D7 is fine, her fever went down quickly and she is up and running again, although she should really rest...H is with her tonight - staying over, for the first time EVER...I am impressed, yet there is a horrible distance between us.
We share a past, so intimate and familiar, yet at this moment we seem to be strangers to each other.
This afternoon ow went to visit D7 in the hospital. H asked me yesterday if that would be ok, I said yes.
My heart aches, but what else can I do, life goes on and so must we.
I am thankful that D7 is ok and on her way to recovery. I am thankful that H is there tonight with her. I am thankful that he offered to help out with the kids these 5 days, as much as possible. We have been doing this in turns - crossing each other like strangers....with only a task in common.
I just wanted to share with you all...things do change I guess. Maybe now he is a better man. Now that he is no longer with me. Maybe she brings out the best in him. If that is so, then I must accept it.
The kids cannot stop talking about ow. They are crazy about her, she pops up in every conversation they have, it is very hard, but I am trying very hard, not to let it affect things and my feelings.
Take care xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
