When your at the doctor on Saturday, talk about PMS. There is medication for people who are severely affected by it. And it sounds like you are. Take some action.
And please don't think that if your H was in your life or came back, you would be happy again. It is not up to him to make or keep you happy. Most lives are just ordinary--mine included. It's what you do with the ordinary--light some candles on your table when you have dinner with D tonight, go for a walk with that cute puppy and your D and admire nature just beginning to wake up. Joy is a state of mind--not dependent on what you are "doing".
I miss being part of a couple and I loved being married. Maybe it will happen again someday, maybe not. But I refuse to "wait" and put my life on hold. And I hope you don't either.
