Jak, and Piecing Friends, My W and I went to our dance class last night and learned cha cha basic steps and combinations. The class went well. It's a good group who all want to learn how to dance well, so the instruction is technique-focused, which my W wants. She enjoys watching the teacher dance, and says that she's enjoying the class.
She had an interior designer in yesterday. She still has some projects in mind to improve the living space. We need to finish the hardwood floor in the living room. She wants to turn her computer room into a media room, with a new couch and state of the art television. She also wants a television for her bedroom.
I was thinking, how are we going to pay for all this, but kept my mouth shut. My sense is this is about making her living space comfortable, so it's essential.
She still frets about retirement, and keeps asking me if I've applied for a job yet at the VA, where I could make about $20K more than what I do now. I need to copy and send all our 401K statements to the financial planner so that he can assess our situation.
She noticed a book I've been reading on happiness, and asked me about it. It's a helpful book (Happiness is an Inside Job, by Sylvia Boorstein) if one is open to Buddhist teachings. It focuses on three of the eight noble truths--Wise Effort, Mindfullness, and Concentration.
It basically says that we have to practice and be intentional about countering and transforming negativity in our minds, to slow down and be aware of how our minds are being reactive, and to practice discipline thru a meditative-type practice (I prefer yoga). It makes a lot of sense.
I'm working on my own happiness, and trying not to be reactive to her negativity, when it occurs, which is frequent. I'm trying to let her be her, and not fret about it when she makes critical comments, or is being moody.
This is where I still need to improve. I can practice self-restraint by watching what I say. I now need to work on transforming the internal negative reactivity I have to provocative comments and behaviors by my W. I think this is detachment in DB terms.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
