Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Thanks Puppy -

I hear what you are saying, and I THINK that is what I am doing. I cannot force her to stop contact with OM, she knows my feelings and she is in the process of detaching and I know this will take time. As you have said, it is a drug, and addicts need time to get over that addiction. I am trying to learn to "lovingly detach" from the wife - that is an important step for both of us IMO.

Right now, does she hold out hope for the OM to end his R with his W - sure, I would be stupid to think otherwise - but as she grows more distant to OM and OM works on his M, she has already said, he is not available and even if he was, right now, she wants to be by herself.

My W doesn't fully believe in the "love is a decision" statement. I brought this up a long time ago, I said love is a decision just like hate is - you can choose do either. She beleives that with love there is an overwhelming sense, something that is impossible to describe. Can't argue with her, does me no good. We all have our opinions about this. I am in the camp where love is a choice.

I hope this makes sense. I am not going to pursue W, right now, there is no "us" - I am hopeful that soon there will be no "them" - in my eyes, this guy is a piece of dirt, he is not coming clean in his own relationship about what is going on - a total scum bag.

I love your "bo peep" analogy - kind of hits home.

CBK