Ready for the long ride.

[minkerman]

OK I'm back...

I would ask her point blank, if there is OM. Just ask once, mind you, otherwise it will seem desperate, and projects a lack of trust. If she says "no", then say, "OK, I trust you, I will put that out of my mind, and will not ask again". Then mean what you say, and don't ask again!

The book "Getting Back Together" is quite good. However, the first half talks about what drives folks apart, and how separation can actually be good for a marriage. It tells you a lot of do's and dont's while separated, and gives you kind of a road map for reconciliation. The second half talks about how to reconnect once you are back together.

The key thing you need to do is to be consistent. Tell yourself what you are going to do, and then do it. If you say you are going to LRT, then do it...and monitor results.

If you say you are going to be upbeat every time she's around, DO IT. No matter how difficult.

Set goals, like it says to do in the DR book. Then monitor how you are doing against those goals. I did this, and was amazed at the progress we made...but I only noticed it when I sat down and reviewed the goals I had set.

Baby steps are essential to notice, and to write down (especially here). On your dark days, you will read the positives that you have written, and it will help your attitude.

The best thing you can do is to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. This is hard to do. But you have to be ready for the possibility that your wife will never come back. Once I did that, amazingly I felt 'lighter' and immediately had a better attitude toward the sitch. I was a lot nicer to my wife as well, and told her she had been set free. This reduced the pressure she felt, and eventually allowed her to think more clearly.

Anyway Lucas - keep posting here, tell us what's happening, and many here will try to help. Good luck!