Pregnant and heading for acceptance #2

[blindsided1]

RWS - I'm with ST on the details of my life issue. I try not to give too much information. I just want him to know that I'm NOT sitting at home missing him 24 hours a day. I limit the amount of info I give him because it really isn't his business who I am with. And, as far as the calling me back response: ST is dead on with this one. I needed to do it for me because he usually says "I'll call you back" and then doesn't. So, I needed to take control and it worked. I did not expect his call and I felt better. As for OW. I think more than wanting a baby daddy, she wants someone to marry her. She decided that she wanted MY H. I'm sure the next step is to try and get pregnant. As far as her having her own kids, I honestly think it's a choice she made. It sounds to me like she is more involved in her own life than she is raising her children. Her ex (according to my H) was a drug addict and a gambling addict. So, I'm not sure how he would have been awarded custody, if she didn't GIVE it to him. I'm just not sure what is going on with that sitch. I can't even imagine NOT spending as much time with my childred as possible.

SO2 - I don't know if my H even really cares whether I want him around or not. He seems pretty shallow. There are times when I blow him off and then he calls/txt repeatedly. Then there are times when he couldn't care less, it seems. It's beyond me how he can just toss me aside and replace me so easily. I feel like I really never meant anything to him. And, I have to admit that there were times in our R where I felt as though he was only with me because it was a place to live and he had someone to take care of him.

ST - my new word(s) will be "good, thanks" with a smile on my face, Forrest.

Forrest - good points.
1. Good or great
2. I will
3. I do this already kind of
4. Already signed up for classes. I have class a couple times a week for the whole month of May. I'll be busy, believe me.
5. Working on this, but it is a huge open wound to me that I just can't seem to stop picking at.
6. Usually, I don't initiate texts or call. There are times when I have, but it's mostly when I need to ask him about $$$ or tell him something about Doctor or our daughter. I NEVER say "how are you doing" or anything along those lines. Most the time, I don't want to know how he is doing because he usually just rubs it in my face that "they" are doing this or "they" are doing that. Like somehow his life is sooooo much better without me.

I get to a place where I feel really strong and I think...."go ahead and call/text, I'm just going to ignore it" and I really feel strongly about it. It's usually those times that he chooses NOT to call/text for a day or two. Then by the time he does, I'm so upset that he hasn't, that I give in. I know, I know....WEAK!

KML - the fact that she doesn't take them on the weekends or her days off, is a HUGE red flag to me. I know that her work schedule is odd. She works 3-4 days a week 7p-7a. I believe it is Sun, Mon, Wed and every other Fri. But, that leaves a ton of time to have her kids. Not sure how to investigate further into why or what the actually sitch is.

Tomato - thanks for stopping by. I hope you have a wonderful birthday weekend.

GM - I know that our sitch are similar. It really hurts a lot. I have not restricted anything from H. I have encouraged him as much as possible to come be a part of this pregnancy and he dropped the ball. I guess it just wasn't exciting anymore. I have told him repeatedly that he can see our D as often as he likes. But, I am not inclined to hand over a newborn that is breastfeeding for overnights at a home where I don't know the people who live there, that obviously have low morals and standard. There is a boxer puppy and two cats that are in this tiny apartment, that are not supposed to be there in the first place. I'm not jumping at the chance to hand over the baby to a H that refused to NOT smoke around me in early preganancy, drives erradically, has anger issues, refuses to take responsibility for himself and really doesn't take care of himself, just leaves it up to other people. He even told me that he wants the baby so he can show her off like a trophy to his friends. That made my stomach turn.

So, it's Friday. I haven't heard from him, but I'm okay. He knows that I have a Doctor's appointment, but as usual, hasn't shown interest. This morning I was driving to work and all I kept thinking about was what if he goes for 50/50 custody. I really DO NOT believe that he would want 50/50 except for one reason - to save him money. He is not a very responsible person and it scares me to death that he would have her that much. I would worry for her safety constantly. He's impatient and not very nurturing. I know that he would just hand the care over to the OW because I really believe he CAN'T do it. It is weighing on my mind so heavily. I would gladly take less CS to insure that my D is safe and healthy with me the majority of the time.