That may well be your ‘perception’ of what I am trying to do, that is not my intention.
But I agree, you are very defensive I can’t help wonder why?
Nutty.
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Thanks for the support Nutty. Ok, maybe you're pushing my envelope, and there's nothing wrong with that.
At least you still have your sense of humour.
Anyway, I will leave you in peace...Anytime you want your envelope pushing, give me a shout!
Nutty
P.S. I do believe you meant your W no harm and would love to see you turn this around.. GOOD LUCK x
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
nutty I think you need to work on your own empathy.
Quote:
What was the 'this' you were refering to if not your relationship / behaviour?
Our relationship, yes, it obviously was painful at that time.
Quote:
If you had done nothing wrong why do you accept that the sight of you causes her pain?
Why is it my "fault" if she is in pain? Why must it be me? IS there any other possibility? (by the way, Earlier, was it you that said I needed to get beyond right-v-wrong and laying blame? )
Quote:
Why do you say 'I don't want to cause you more pain' if you did not cause her pain?
If I see she is in pain, can I not say, I don't want to add to it? If you care for someone in pain, can you not compassionately wish to avoid more pain without accepting responsibility for the pain in the first place?
I'm asking you to back off, Nutty.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
The sword and shield analogy is wonderful. Thanks for that.
I'd have to say that SPM may be more swording than shielding right now, but I don't blame him. I understand his situation too well as my boat seems to be in the same lake as his.
Reading the letters from my W's family and the OM filled w/ lies and distorted truths made me want to slash the anger sword. I've cooled off quite a bit and am back to the shield, but the sword can and does come out far to easily.
I'm going to use this analogy to help me try and keep the sword of anger sheathed.
Are you working w/ a parenting evaluator as well? I know you had mentioned in the past that you may be going through this step to gain equal custody of your kids.
I'm involved w/ one now and I've gotten good vibes from our meetings, but I haven't met w/ him since March 25. The delay has me nervous, but he still has to meet w/ me and D together, so I know that is an important step before we can do anything else. I'm also gathering my letters to send to him and should have them all by early next week.
I know you met w/ someone about the DV protection order that W hit you with, but I wasn't sure if you have more steps in this process. If you meet w/ the evaluator and they have you take the MMPI (I think that is what it is called), then I'll let you know what to expect from that 567 true/false question test. It was exhausting and a bit difficult to do, to be quite honest.
Hope you are having a good weekend. Talk to you later.
I was just thinking today about my post on the sword/shield comment, and I hope it came across as a comment and in support of you. As I look back at it, it may seem like I was against you, but that wasn't the intent.
Sorry if you took it that way.
Hope all is going as well as possible w/ your sitch.
