Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Sandi -

I did not know your entire story, so thanks for sharing. My heart is aching for you. For some of us, physical touch means so much and the lack of it is sobering. I wish I could come give you a hug!

You have my sitc pegged to the tee. I hate what I am going through, for what all of us on this board are going through. I wish W would understand the A and the chemical euphoira that comes with it, but that is something she will have to figure out. I know she is trying to detach from OM, and I know this will take time. Time, I have.

I know my W feels very guilty and is confused, she says this all the time. I guess that is a good sign. I am sure like others on this board, even as you start to detach, every phone call, email, text that comes in, you are just hoping and praying it is your S saying - whoops, sorry... We all know that isn't going to happen, and those that fully detach probably get away from that feeling. I don't know when I will get there, but I hope sooner than later.

I saw W this morning as we got ready for work. Said good morning to each other and she said she would be home normal time. If the weather is nice (supposed to be chilly though), I am going to sit on the front porch and drink margarita's - she may join or may not, but no expectations. Usually when we do that, neighbors stop by and we end up with a small party going on. Need to bring happiness back into the house.

As you know, yesterday was a setback, but not a horrible one. It was another learning opportunity about us and,even though I shouldn't have, was able to say a lot to W. This may have driven her a little further away, or a little closer, who knows. I know that this isn't going to happen quickly - I am hopeful that it will happen though.

Thanks Sandi for your support and sharing - it means the world to me and others that you post to.

I hope that someday I could meet you and say thank you, no matter how my sitc' turns out.

Peace,

CBK