Had h's attention for a short time this evening. He started to talk to me about his family and his work. Had him a little bit interested in me (I am looking really good as I have lost all the baby fat and I am back to what I looked like when we got married). We had an amusing conversation and it was a little more relaxed than usual. Weird though as I feel I have to almost play a game with him.
Someone said on the forum u have to become friends again before you can rebuild a relationship...so true but I don't know if I like the person he has become. He has virtually become a stoner who seems to have lost all ability to be an adult.Hmm, makes me think!
Any comments about my previous post? I know I am back and forth but my h has cut me off, other than when he visits d I hear nothing from him. I am dbing like mad but I have very little to work with and starting to want comfort and companionship!Also worried that no one would want a woman with a baby (my own h didn't!)
Is this the question you were looking for comments on:
Quote:
Question for anyone out there....Are men interested in dating and (should h go through with his D plan) marrying a woman with a baby
I am sure if a man met the right person, someone he truly loved (someone like you!), he would be accepting of anything. But the question is would YOU be ready to date or be in a relationship fresh out of a D?
The fact that I still want my h back tells me that I am not ready...But the being alone is awful. I know I have my d who loves me but she is not an adult companion and should never have to be that in my life.
Trying to shake up my h any suggestions? The GAL and going dark etc have not had an impact on him, the GAL has been great for me. But nothing seems to get his attention for long enough and how many months, years does this go on? Someone said 1 month for every year you together...that is 16 months.
Off to take d to doctor later, h would not contribute to paying towards it but i have made a plan, lets's hope all goes well.
Hope everyone out there stays strong. I myself am in a strange place of hanging on and letting go - I think I am finally beginning to detach.
i cant really give much advice as im still pursuing my WAW after her affair,she is living at her mothers with our son,5. i trying to apply DB but keep screwing up...cant stop chasing her. so advice?...it sounds to me like youre doing fine on your own,something we can all do its just so hard at the time. life will go on regardless of our shock,pain,suffering etc the second we realise that only WE can make ourselves happy and NOT our spouse is the day our life begins. i say our because we are all in the same boat here,so many people feeling the same way,not knowing what to do,whare to go... this is a great place...just reading posts of people in the same boat as you....you are not alone and you are not at fault. it seems to me this is something missing in him...not you. we all said our vows when we got married...i can stand tall,chin up and say ive lived by those vows. the people who go against that are the ones at fault..i know you love him terribly...its so hard,i cant let go myself ,not just yet. carry on what you are doing,be a better person,not for him but for YOU! take care of yourself and your D and try to be positive,bold strong and patient. got a quote here for the occassion - some day this pain will be useful to you. - Ovid (43BC-17AD) [Publius Ovidius Naso] Roman Poet everything happens for a reason,youre obviously a good person and deserve happiness...so make yourself happy...everything else will take care of itself good luck x
Paul Me - 34 Her - 30 son - 5 married - 14.09.2006 seperated - 22.02.2008
Question for anyone out there....Are men interested in dating and (should h go through with his D plan) marrying a woman with a baby
I don't know for sure, but I suspect that most decent, worthwhile men will be interested in you and not whether you have a baby or kids or not. It may eliminate a couple playboy type of guys but I think that seems like it might be a positive to me b/c I wouldn't want to date a guy like that anyway! Karen
Hi all. Thanks LWB for all your support. Have not had access to net for a while but I am back.
Update: H is growing further and further away (did not think that was possible but he is!). D was sick and he was called at 11 in the evening, his response was i don't feel like coming if i really don't have to.....makes me made. Anyway i get a call later on and he asks where i am so i reply in car on way to hospital to have d checked. He says call when u get home. I did and told him I will sort it out. Few minutes later get a message that he is coming over. He stayed til 2am. I then heard nothing from him for 4 days. Then he arrived for his scheduled visit. I don't get it, not one call to ask how d is. Maybe some men out there can explain this to me cos I would die for my child!
Anyway d got sicker and ended up at Dr 3 times and needed to be nebulized. H did not call once to see how she was so I eventually called him and asked if he was in or out (not m cos he already said he 100% wants d, living new life with ow but still no D papers filed)in his d's life cos what he is doing is halfhearted. He came to visit in his usual time 2 days later, acted all sweet and then heard nothing from him until today. His visits have become shorter and shorter, from an hour and a half to 45 mins. He is preoccupied with new life and is visiting as a duty (I think).
Now I don't want to file for D and hand my h to ow on a silver platter BUT my h is really not a nice guy right now, wondering if he ever was. He is still lying to me, for no reason...what more could he possibly do. Waiting to hear that ow is pregant - just a suspicion. He is definitly up to something and is keeping another big secret form me i can feel it.
Another question: Why does he wear his wedding ring when he visits, I doubt he wears it any other time? I thought it was to protect me from hurt but dont think that anymore. Is it because he is a coward? Any suggestions. He has said he wants D and is living with OW (6 months now, 2 weeks after leaving me) why wear it?
Anyway I read in DB that the last resort could be giving those D papers. Phoning a lawyer on Monday to make an appointment. Biggest reason for this is that d and I are starting to suffer financially as h is contributing very little and does not make any attempt to help out.Not sure if this is the right thing but nothing else is working. This month will be the 7th months.
On my birthday in a few weeks he will be attending his ow's concert while I have my lonliest birthday ever. I just keep getting hurt!
I WILL SURVIVE AND I WILL FIND HAPPINESS AND IF HE DOES NOT RETURN I WILL FIND NEW LOVE AND BE BLESSED WITH A HAPPY FAMILY! (A big thing considering I do not know any guys as I mixed only with my h, his friends and my married friends.)
Hi, ss2. When you posted on my thread, I thought your screenname looked familiar, then it rang a bell! I think I posted to you once before.
You said you've gone dark on your H before. In what way? What exactly have you done?
I remember you saying H was very adamant about you being around during his visits with D. So tell me please.....Have you been there every time?
I do find it very interesting that he declares his "love" for OW and has no intention of ever coming back.....YET he still wears his wedding ring????? Wow. What is that??!!!
As for filing D papers, like I said on my thread, DO NOT do it if you are not 110% sure that a D is what you honestly want. I DO, however, believe you need to do whatever you possibly can to protect yourself and D financially. He is her father, and he is obligated to help care for her. Have you thought about filing for a legal separation, just for now? I'm sure that you could probably ask for back-pay in child support. 7 months worth at the moment, right? Talk to an ATTY. Write down any and all questions you might have and have it handy in case you forget anything during your consultation. Do some "shopping" in the phone book or even online for ATTYs. Some give free consults - a good thing if you're financially strapped.
In the meantime, continue to detach (treat your H as you would treat someone who was just a friend - no matter how cold he seems to be) and GAL - what have you done in this area lately? What are your GAL activities? I know it is difficult to forget about your troubles, but you do have to give yourself a break every now and then. Take care of YOU - don't forget that.
Let us know how you are doing. People do care.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
D was sick and he was called at 11 in the evening, his response was i don't feel like coming if i really don't have to.....makes me made. Anyway i get a call later on and he asks where i am so i reply in car on way to hospital to have d checked. He says call when u get home. I did and told him I will sort it out. Few minutes later get a message that he is coming over. He stayed til 2am. I then heard nothing from him for 4 days. Then he arrived for his scheduled visit. I don't get it, not one call to ask how d is. Maybe some men out there can explain this to me cos I would die for my child!
Anyway d got sicker and ended up at Dr 3 times and needed to be nebulized. H did not call once to see how she was so I eventually called him and asked if he was in or out (not m cos he already said he 100% wants d, living new life with ow but still no D papers filed)in his d's life cos what he is doing is halfhearted. He came to visit in his usual time 2 days later, acted all sweet and then heard nothing from him until today. His visits have become shorter and shorter, from an hour and a half to 45 mins. He is preoccupied with new life and is visiting as a duty (I think).
Hi Sideswiped!Glad to see you back although sorry for what you are going through! Your H's lack of caring about very sick D is horrible! I don't understand it; I really don't!
I do think your H sounds a little like mine. Could he be having an MLC do you think? Or it could just be that he's in the honeymoon stage with OW? My H was like that for a while. He had always been a good dad but when he started with OW he would make promises to D8 to take her places and then break his plans most of the time so he could take the OW out instead!
I think my H realized when he moved out and the kids didn't care much and weren't upset to see him go, how he had affected their relationship. Since then for the last month or so he has really been trying to see the kids frequently and has been a much better dad. So hopefully your H will have that kind of realization at some point also?
I haven't filed for divorce yet b/c I am waiting to see if H gets through his MLC and/or affair with ow and comes out of the (mental) fog or whatever and realize what he is doing. H also has said a lot of weird stuff: he'll have more money after divorce (although twice the expenses), he'll have more time at his job--the same job he hasn't been able to get a day off for the past 8 years, and I'll meet someone and be happier, etc. He's kind of in fantasyland now and I'm hoping at some point he will be more realistic and may feel differently about divorce. If not, like you say I'll have a better relationship with someone else.
I do think at some point our Hs will realize they are making mistakes, but hopefully it won't be too long or it will be too late for them! Karen
Karen
for OW and has no intention of ever coming back.....YET he still wears his wedding ring????? Wow. What is that??!!!
I don't understand it; I really don't!