Mishka's- new thread/new tude - H who?

[mishka422]

Oh Lordy! I can't even see taking this pain into next week let alone 14 months from now. I feel like this will never heal. I just don't have the energy right now to do much of anything but I push myself so hard just to get the most mundane things accomplished anyway.

I was actually feeling pretty good this morning other than the normal confusion I have every morning praying about what the heck I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I was driving to work singing along with Steve Fee's "All Because of Jesus" and I got behind a car with a Walt Disney World bumper sticker. Of all things to set me off......a Disney World bumper sticker! I started crying so hard because it brought back so many memories. My H and I spent half of our honeymoon there and we've taken many family trips there with our son. When do the happy memories stop making me so sad. I'll never be able to create happy family memories all together again. That made me so sad and I couldn't contain it. What a horrible feeling!

I know I'm responsible for creating new memories for my son and I but it just feels so wrong. My son wants to go to Washington DC and I really want to take him but that is where H and I went for a long "romantic just the two of us at long last" weekend last August. Little did I know that he was having an A with the OW then and he called her several times while we were there (every time I was in the shower). Now, all the fun we had is tainted. I'm afraid to go there again because I'm scared of all the feelings it will bring up.

I just want all of this to go away!

Oh well, I'll find a way to move forward as we all will.....hopefully!