well, h will be home soon, and he does not have school tomorrow, so I most likely will not be able to come on the boards until friday..and that is if I don't work.
It has been a good day, I took a nap..felt great, then I got up and walked to the store, it is a cloudy day, but pretty warm, and it felt good to get out and get some fresh air...long winter here.
I have noticed on some of the boards that just as with me, that there is something about the 2 year mark...it must be some kind of turning point or something..or maybe that is when us LBS's start to get our courage up in our piecing and start to make some boundries...just a thought.
I see that not many have posted lately on the boards; I do hope all is well with everyone!
This morning D15 and I had a great talk, she was telling me how she doesn't like how much her dad has changed, (she is a very wise young girl); back when her dad left us, he had picked her up to take her to get her ears peirced, while they were out and about, he asked her what she would do if he had met a really nice girl and they were living together...she said " I would be mean to her"..well, anyways...she then thought her dad had some other girl in his life (I of course didn't at the time want to believe it)...and now she is saying that she knows that is why he is not the same person he use to be. I told her that he will have to recover from the pain...and that right now I have decided that what is important is that we work on ourselves. She really wants to get in shape...me too, so I told her that summer is just about here, and that her and I can go on walks together, she got really excited about it! It's the little things in life that matter the most!
I have really been working on my self esteem, and yesterday I was writting down all my goals when h came up and saw what I was doing...he has noticed a change in me (exercising again, being up beat, and not questioning him on anything). He is now asking me if "I love him"...and even last night while we were laying in bed watching the b-game, he put his arms around me, held me tight and told me that "this is true love what we have" and got tears in his eyes, and said that he is filling my "love tank" (I think he might have been reading one of my books, " the five love languaes"). And this morning before he left for school, he huged me tight, kissed me so tenderly, and told me that he "loves me soooo much" and that he is going to miss me; and that felt good, but the difference now is that it is not a life and death situation for me if he loves me, in other words, I didn't anyalyze it like I have been lately.
I really am starting to feel better...I am really working on my PMA, and GAL, and my self esteem issues! Instead of dwelling, I am keeping myself busy.
Hope all is well with everyone... Love and (((((hugs))))) liz7
I think that I need to take some advice from you...I have not been piecing as well as I could. Well in fact not well at all. There is one vital peice that I have forgotten, and reading your posts reminded me of what I was forgetting, ME. I have been feeling sorry for myself latly and it has been acutally putting a strain on my relationship with H.
I would like to give you a high five for sticking to DBing and recognizing when you needed to kick it up again.
Thank you for reminding us all of the basics of DBing effectively. I think when we get over to peicing we forget some of the basics.
Thanks for the post. Yes, it is soooo easy to back slide..but that is ok, we just wipe the dirt off our feet, and we get back on the track!
I think it is easy for us to feel sorry for ourselves..I think sometimes we forget to give ourselves the credit for all the hard work and changes that we have done...and the strength we really have..so many that know my stich tell me "your a better woman then me"...in other words they would never of tried to work on their M, if it happened to them. Everyone of us are awesome people...we should all get a "high five"!!!!!
Thanks again for posting...I am going to go and check out your stich right now
You always say such sweet and in-couraging words! That is why I am back...I missed all of you sooooo much!
You still haven't shared with me with what has been happening with you? I do see that your wisdom is still going strong (I have read your posts with others) and of course your wonderful words you have given me.
For us women it is so great to have a man's point of view, I did read men are from mars woman from venus but to hear from a guy is alot better.
Thanks for being you!!!! love and ((((hugs)))) liz7
I just wanted to wish everyone a great weekend! I will try and come on sometime during the weekend...that is if h doesn't want to see what I am doing..besides all that, I am helping him with a few papers he has to write for school (not one of his strong points)...
You all are great...I have truely learned alot from all of you today (reading your stiches)...thanks for sharing!
Hey Liz! I came to check out your latest thread after you posted to mine. I'm so happy for you that you and your H are back together but also sorry you are having some problems again. Did you say you've been back together for 2 years? Or did I misread? That's great and I hope you can figure out how to get through this. You read my thread you know that I'm not in a position to give advice to anyone! lol This is all completely new to me and I'm still begging for advice for myself!!! I wonder if he's starting to feel insecure since you now have such strength that you didn't have before when he left? Maybe that's why he's acting so different and defensive?
Me=31 H=36 D=4 H dropped bomb and moved out=4/17/08, living with his mother 50 minutes away from home and work.
Liz, Isn't it amazing how much insight our children have? My daughter is 14 and I've had a few talks with her about what her father 'has done.' I avoided it at first but then when I realized she knew he had an A, I did talk to her.
She's been "dating" a boy for a few months now. He "cheated" on her (kissed another girl) so they broke up. But then got back together.
In one of our talks not too long ago, I asked her if she wondered why I her dad and I were still together after what he did, or why I still wanted to be with him. She said she did wonder at first, but after her BF cheated on her, she understood. It's because you love him. From the mouths of babes!
Back to your sitch ... WOW to your H's actions and words! Feels good, doesn't it?
How are you sweetie! I'm sorry I haven't posted before now, but I've been in the midst of my own non-M drama and I wanted to make sure I could give you the time you deserved! Now it seems like you've solved so much....
Really, the thing that sets me back again and again is forgetting to detach, GAL, work on PMA. We can fall into the trap of believing our S is responsible for making us happy by their actions...or upset because of the choices they make. We have to detach again and again...
That's not to say we don't set boundaries and expectations. As you may have read in my thread, I did that with my H recently and it was a really good thing. I finally said everything I really needed to say about how I felt about contact with LW, and I put forth what I wanted in my M. The thing is, doing that was more about ME and less about H than I realized at the time. It was about me opening up my mouth and being completely truthful about my feelings and needs. It was about finally getting rid of the stupid eggshells I'd been walking on to some degree ever since the bomb.
What I've learned is that there are no guarantees. My H may find another woman, he may decide he likes old wrinkle-faced funkmeister LW, or he may decide he's madly in love with me for the rest of his life. I can't control any of that. The best thing I (or you, sweetie) can do for my M is to stay detached, take care of me (PMA), and speak truthfully with love in any situation.
I hear in your "voice" a lot of fear...so, name them, and then look at each one. Is it in your control? Any more than your H's decision to bomb you was in your control? If not, let it go or say what you need to say or set a boundary but do not hold onto it. It will drive you crazy.
I don't know if any of that helps...but it's my experience from this side of piecing. Now, go pour yourself a glass of red, put your feet up, and just enjoy a moment being Liz, warrior, happy in the moment.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
