Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

I'm a mess today. My H is clearly bound and determined to leave our M forever. He likes to see me being strong and GAL because it frees him. He is not going to come back to me ever, no matter what I do or don't do--sob or be strong, it doesn't matter to him. Something is funadamentally missing and he can't stay in our M. I know it's important for ME to stay strong, but I feel like I really have to give up all hope that we will ever be together again.

I guess until he leaves, I won't be able to really move on. It's too hard. Tonight we are all going to a friend's house for dinner (they don't know our situation), tomorrow we are all going to his aunt's 80th birthday party. Most of his family knows and I feel ashamed in front of them now--unwanted. I told his mom that maybe I should stay home and she said she wants me to come and so does the aunt.

I am just so confused. Last night H&I had that long talk and it seems pretty clear that the only way we can afford for him to rent an apt is to rent out our third floor. Yet this morning we were talking about what to do with a gift card and H said--in front of the kids "why don't we use it to get an extra chair for the family room."

Well, there's not going to be a family room if we rent our third floor. It will have to become my bedroom--so why did he say that? He talks about building a shed in the yard for our bikes (his included) and gardening as if he's going to be here.

And I got a pedicure already, btw.