We were separated but we didn't specify that we would see other people. I think my H was in denial and was just making it through the day until I did something. I think you are right....living with an ongoing affair, especially living in the same house, would be horrifying. THe fact that she IS still there, though, tells me that she still has hope because the reason we separated was because I thought we were headed toward divorce and I couldn't keep doing what I was doing in the same house...guilt. If she moves out, she will really give that "other life" a try and not feel so guilty about it. I wish my H didn't make it so easy for me to leave. I think I would have chosen my family sooner....although, I don't know...that first OM and that "love" had me completely in a fog. Breaking points do get stretched when separated, and then you have to live with "will she ever come to her senses" and "how long do I wait for her". I don't know....I can feel your depression in your last post....I see glimpses of hope in your wife, and I don't think it is an illusion, I just hope she makes the right choice soon or she will have to live with that the rest of her life.
