Well Mike, I'm not sure what to say about this. If your suspicians are right then that would explain alot about her actions right now. How long has the sickness been going on? You stated she has weight gain also, remember that everyone handles stress in different ways, some stop eating and others start eating more. I would do snooping tomorrow morning, I would have to know this answer.
I can tell you when I was reading what you wrote, the first thing I thought of when your W said she was with MIL from 8-2 was basically because she was trying to take control of the day from you and making you go and get 4WD on her terms, not yours. This was just my impression until I got further into the thread.
Obviously keep us posted on this, stay strong.
Actually she's only been acting sick a couple of days. it's just odd that she would give me a time..Usually it would be either yes, i can do it, or no I can't..Why mention 8-2?? Her mother is never on time for anyhting. Her mother would never say yes, come over from 8-2..Just out of character for W. I also notice this past week that W started taking Calcium pills and iron pills. I asked her about these, she said the Dr said she needed to start taking these..which may be true..but a Dr can tell you to start taking those for other reasons too..
Arthur hit it on the food...I'll do a late night popcorn tonight and see if she wants any..I'll watch tomorrow morning also..see if she has coffe when she gets up..
I would snoop or spy (or whatever you want to call it) because I believe that I have a right to know what is going on if or when my wife is acting weird. I would do what is necessary to find out the facts and put an end to my wondering. YOu see, I believe that you are showing weakness by allowing her behavior to seem ok to you. It isn't ok. The question though would be how do you show strength and how does one act around someone acting like she is. We can't address that until we know all the facts. The game plan is determined by the opponent, no? I don't know enough in my own mind yet to honestly tell you what direction to take and how to act or what to say.
I agree about the 8:00 to 2:00 comment. What does it mean? I don't know. That's why I am advising YOU to find out. Your game plan should be based on what the facts are. I don't think we know the facts. A good detective gets the facts.
You seem to be feeling guilt about spying. Or is it that if she IS having an affair or interested in someone that you are secretly telling yourself that if you avoid the snooping that you can convince yourself there is nothing going on?
My point is that I would find out. Decisive. The only way to find out is for her to screw up and get caught in a lie or for you to catch her in a lie by snooping.
The thing is that she may or may NOT be interested in someone else. She may or may not be pregnant. However, she is doing things that make me wonder and I am NOT even emotionally involved. I think that you are trying too hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. The facts are that there should be NO DOUBT in your mind. When there is a doubt, I would take it as a sign that my intuition is talking to me.
My advice...
Get a plan to check up on her story. She is giving you reason to doubt. She is the one acting strange, not you. You are just picking up on it.
Don't get caught because it will get turned around on you by her. Of course, the detective that you are, I am sure this isn't your first rodeo in detective work.. LOL....
It's funny as the general consensous is not to snoop, yet the more I read various threads, it seems that it's ok if we really need to know something from our S's odd behaviour and we don't get caught !!!
Arthur, what I believe must happen is that we have to snoop to find out the facts, once the facts are revealed then we stop the snooping, at least that is the way I read into it.
I would snoop or spy (or whatever you want to call it) because I believe that I have a right to know what is going on if or when my wife is acting weird. I would do what is necessary to find out the facts and put an end to my wondering. YOu see, I believe that you are showing weakness by allowing her behavior to seem ok to you. It isn't ok. The question though would be how do you show strength and how does one act around someone acting like she is. We can't address that until we know all the facts. The game plan is determined by the opponent, no? I don't know enough in my own mind yet to honestly tell you what direction to take and how to act or what to say.
I agree about the 8:00 to 2:00 comment. What does it mean? I don't know. That's why I am advising YOU to find out. Your game plan should be based on what the facts are. I don't think we know the facts. A good detective gets the facts.
You seem to be feeling guilt about spying. Or is it that if she IS having an affair or interested in someone that you are secretly telling yourself that if you avoid the snooping that you can convince yourself there is nothing going on?
My point is that I would find out. Decisive. The only way to find out is for her to screw up and get caught in a lie or for you to catch her in a lie by snooping.
The thing is that she may or may NOT be interested in someone else. She may or may not be pregnant. However, she is doing things that make me wonder and I am NOT even emotionally involved. I think that you are trying too hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. The facts are that there should be NO DOUBT in your mind. When there is a doubt, I would take it as a sign that my intuition is talking to me.
My advice...
Get a plan to check up on her story. She is giving you reason to doubt. She is the one acting strange, not you. You are just picking up on it.
Don't get caught because it will get turned around on you by her. Of course, the detective that you are, I am sure this isn't your first rodeo in detective work.. LOL....
GL-I believe your reading me wrong. I don't feel any guilt about snooping. I have snooped from the beginning because my little inner voice is telling me something is up. I don't have the $$$ means to put a PI on her or it would have already been done.
I plan on finding out. if she is having an A then that is a deal breaker for me..I HAVE NOT AVOIDED SNOOPING. I have took extrmeme means to find out what she is doing. Tomorrow I take another step.. I am not giving her the benefit of the doubt I am actively attempting to make sure whether she is or isn't seeing someone.
Thanks for the advice and comments. They are really appreciated.
It's funny as the general consensous is not to snoop, yet the more I read various threads, it seems that it's ok if we really need to know something from our S's odd behaviour and we don't get caught !!!
A, I have a need to know. If there is an affair that would be a deal breaker. There would not be a reconcilation. Now my W is acting funny, anyone on her will tell you that all the WAW's involved in an A pretty much follow a script..say the same things. "I care for you, but I'm not in love with you" I feel like your roommate.. I feel like we are brother and sister....
My little voice is telling me something is up.
So, I'm going to see if my little voice is correct or I'm just paranoid..If she goes where she says she's going tomorrow then there is no problem..
To each his own. it's up to each individual whether they check things or not.
Just want to make that clear for others. If my wife or kids were doing something out of character, you better believe that I would take charge to find out the reason for the change and would not sweep it under the rug. Once you know the facts all snooping can end and you can come up with a game plan based on the information you uncovered. You have a right to know the TRUTH. People in affairs will lie through their teeth and we all know it. When they are out of character there is a reason and you should find out for sure what that reason is so you can best deal with it.
Hi MfT......I tried to skim over your latest stitch and I gathered you thought your W may be pregnant due to weight gain, baggy clothes and sickness. Then the thing with her mother on Sat from 8-2. That all makes sense except for one thing. I don't know about where you live, but there isn't a doctor around here that would have office hours on Saturdays. Plus if it has been 7 months since she had her last period....I don't think she would just start getting sick at this point. Usually, it is in the beginning. Just my thoughts....like I said, I just kind of skimmed over this last thread.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just want to make that clear for others. If my wife or kids were doing something out of character, you better believe that I would take charge to find out the reason for the change and would not sweep it under the rug. Once you know the facts all snooping can end and you can come up with a game plan based on the information you uncovered. You have a right to know the TRUTH. People in affairs will lie through their teeth and we all know it. When they are out of character there is a reason and you should find out for sure what that reason is so you can best deal with it.
Ok, here is the deal. She was followed this morning. She took me to pick up the car, early..I had someone sitting there to tail her when she dropped me off. She dropped me off and left, the person followed her back to her mom's. She dropped my D off at her mom's, went back to the town we had just left after picking up my vehicle..(backtracked 8 miles)..went into a office where they were giving a (court Required) seminar (that we have to take for the Divorce) on how to be an effective co-parent. The seminar was from 9:00-1:00 today. She was seen going into the seminar and she paid to registrar for the course. I passed my MIL in her car with my D early this morning.
I don't know why my W felt like she could not be truthful and tell me that she was doing this. I assume that she thought that me knowing might lead to a disagreement??
She has said through all of this that she does not want to hurt me and maybe she thinks me knowing that she is taking the class will cause me more pain??
Damn..looks like there is no stopping this. She is hell bent on it.
I have snooped, looked, had her followed..there is no evidence of an affair. There is no doubt in my mind..
Looks like she is just done with me. I will go on. I know where the road is leading me. There is only one path. I'm 44, and starting over again. The second time in my life. It is difficult and sad to have to do. It is an overwhelming proposition.
