Pheonix, fig & BH, all posted some very wise posts that make the same point. We have to be able to stand alone before we can stand together and both paries have to be equal.
Sometimes it's just much more clear to other people through what we write as to what the problem really is. When we're in pain, that pain and emotion overshadow the truth. Think about what you KNOW now about the problems in your marriage, as compared to when you first separated from your spouse. It sure is easier from a distance to realistically take ownership of what we contributed to the divorce. Right now you are still knee deep in pain, so it's hard for you to be objective.
Take some time to really heal. Don't be hard on yourself. Think about going to a therapist.
I always feel that if something doesn't work out it means nothing more than it wasn't supposed to.
Just curious, did you write this out with the hopes that your ex-gf would read it here? I briefly wondered whether your ex-gf didn't in fact answer you.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Phoenix-D NO. I am not hoping she reads this. Changed my board name and some other info to hopefully avoid that situation. I didn't even realize she had been back on the boards till last week. I got the impressions from thimgs She had told me when we first broke up that she would not be back on these boards but I looked after posting a few things and found out she does still stop in.
Of course if she does happen upon this thread, she will know it is me. I have been back for a while, just didn't post.
My saying for today: Its not my head that needs convincing, Its my heart believing what my head knows.
sometimes people can pick up on things... do you think that your ex-girlfriend knows who you are?
And if she does
don't you think it mght make her uncomfortable?
I dated someone from the boards too...I thought he was a really nice guy. We got along great but there was always something. I broke up with him about once a week.
He pushed for too much too fast and there was a whole holiday fiasco where lines were crossed.
I stopped contacting him altogether
he then came back to the boards and posted all sorts of things...
another way to try to gain control an issue we had
I don't know if it's just me, or if others feel this too.
Your words for your situation lead one to want to advise you, but they also make one leery. I personally have to wonder what's truth and what isn't. And I hate wondering that, when I want to help someone, how much is the truth. I realize that's the danger of deaing with people over the net, but there's also a certain level of trust we try to have in each other. Apparently, some of us knew you/know you in the past. And some of us probably know/knew her too. So you're asking people who may have conflicting interests to give you advice.
Its not my head that needs convincing, Its my heart believing what my head knows.
And as long as communications are down between the heart and the head, take care of those things that are in your control.
I know work, social life, etc. don't feel as fulfilling right now. Keep doing what you have been doing and have faith that things will feel right again with time.
Are you recomending that I don't post? I have considered it already.
This whole time, I have not put blame on her for what has happened. I have not badmouthed her in anyway. (at least not intentionally that I have been aware of) I have not asked anyone posting in this thread to look her up or get involved in that.
What I have said, is I Know what I am suppose to do. I know why. But I am having trouble making my heart give up the fight. That is my strtuggle here.
I never looked for validation in what I did for her. I did it because I wanted to do them. And if need be, I will survive being alone once again. But I miss her dearly and it still hurts. When we fall in love are we not suppose to love unconditional"? With all of our hearts...not halfassing our way through a relationship? Well, I gave my whole heart. So now I don't feel like I have my heart back.
Are you recomending that I don't post? I have considered it already.
This whole time, I have not put blame on her for what has happened. I have not badmouthed her in anyway. (at least not intentionally that I have been aware of) I have not asked anyone posting in this thread to look her up or get involved in that.
What I have said, is I Know what I am suppose to do. I know why. But I am having trouble making my heart give up the fight. That is my strtuggle here.
I never looked for validation in what I did for her. I did it because I wanted to do them. And if need be, I will survive being alone once again. But I miss her dearly and it still hurts. When we fall in love are we not suppose to love unconditional"? With all of our hearts...not halfassing our way through a relationship? Well, I gave my whole heart. So now I don't feel like I have my heart back.
Are you recomending that I don't post? I have considered it already.
This whole time, I have not put blame on her for what has happened. I have not badmouthed her in anyway. (at least not intentionally that I have been aware of) I have not asked anyone posting in this thread to look her up or get involved in that.
What I have said, is I Know what I am suppose to do. I know why. But I am having trouble making my heart give up the fight. That is my strtuggle here.
I never looked for validation in what I did for her. I did it because I wanted to do them. And if need be, I will survive being alone once again. But I miss her dearly and it still hurts. When we fall in love are we not suppose to love unconditional"? With all of our hearts...not halfassing our way through a relationship? Well, I gave my whole heart. So now I don't feel like I have my heart back.
