So I am still recording in her car just about daily. I probably should stop but I keep learning and gaining more insight. So it is good in that I hear her true feelings about me & where our R stands. It is bad in that I hear about the new guy she is starting to date. Such as I know they have had sex at least once. (btw this is OM2 from above post.) I guess this is technically not an A since we are "separated" in the same house for now & I did give her the "go ahead" to see other people while we are in this transition weird who knows what the hell is going to happen next period. I also learned that my W & OM2 are going to a sporting event tomorrow 3 hrs away but of course my W just said she needs to "get out of town & get away from it all and won't be home until Sat AM." WTF! We have kids come on this is so selfish! I am so mad right now. More that she keeps playing it up that there is no one & she gets offended (even drops the tears) when I suggest that there is someone she is seeing. All I want is honesty at this point. I understood what I was getting into when I agreed to see others (I'm not and in no hurry to either). The NEW findings of maybe just confirmed old ones came about today during the afternoon recording. She and OM1 were fooling around in the car today, so I got to hear that...no fun! Again, my main issue with this I would guess this NEVR stopped from their BS "one time A" When recently talking to her about him trying to get closure on the A I did know about that she shared with me years ago, she assured me that they were strictly business buddies and NOTHING ELSE. Damn I am a FOOL. Why the hell did I trust her. So basically she is business buddies WITH BENEFITS with OM1 meanwhile courting OM2 and sleeping with him (at least once) and has a overnight date w/him Friday night. I want to type some cuss words here to vent...I will not but use your imagination. ON a lighter note, I did purchase DR today started reading and am at page 110. Now some of you may read fast, or really enjoy it. I however am not the fastest reader and much rather hear someone read it to me. SO my point is it reads really well. I am praying and hoping that this book and the 7 steps will work for us. As crazy as it sounds, I will take her back and be the best H I can be. I want our family to be a healthy one I hope to look back at these dark times as the worst part of our lives & M. I want to move forward & try the techniques and steps in the book. I am excited to start them. I have been taking notes & doing what I can as I was reading today. I am willing to take responsibility for my part in where we are, I used to take ALL of it, but I know now that she playes just as big a role as I do. I don't think at the moment she sees herself as any sort of problem in our R. Just that she has been having an A most of our M, been dishonest w/me, would help me to commit to changing up "X" in our R but then take a back seat when it came time to put it all together. Letting me fall on my face and take 4 steps back from any progress we may have made...then point out, "See you can't change, you just keep letting me down, I don't know why I fall for your lies, you never follow through." Okay that was a pretty good vent for tonight. I actually do feel better at the moment. So do I stop recording? I know I should, but it has become somewhat of an addiction. My original purpose was to determine if there was someting going on with OM1, ans Yes. Then I started hearing about me and where she sees our R going. This was different than what she tells me (somewhat) So again, I get some good insight about where I stand or don't at the present time. Eventually if we reconcile I am trying to decide if I let her know what I found out? I guess when we get "good" I will need to be brutally honest. Well I'll cross that bridge provided I can cross the on I'm on now with the broken bords, rope ripping apart and no superhero in sight. Thanks for reading.
ME 33 W 37 Together 8 M: 5+ disconnected: 5 D: 2 D: 3
