Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Okay, went downstairs to say goodnight to kids, W was on computer paying bills. I said goodnight guys, W says goodnight. Not reading anything in this, I just know I am totally beat, and am looking forward to tomorrow. I may work out of the house so I can just relax, go to the gym, get a massage or something. I have always been a "touchy feely" type guy and lack of physical contact is a killer. I love my hugs, so poor daughter is getting a lot of them lately. I don't think she minds! :-) She asked why I hug her so much and I said because I love you so much and am her to be strong for you and your brother. She is a sweetheart and daddy's little girl who will be 21 next month!

Tomorrow a new day, the really good news - NO SNOOPING has been in effect for awhile and I have not buckled!!! I think once I hit the bottom, I figured there was no where else to go!

My friends, I am taking care of myself, taking my vitamins and saying my prayers. God will see me through this as well as W. What He has in store is up to him.

The hardest part, as Addie was saying on her thread, is going to bed alone. I have been doing this for years because of my heavy travel schedule, but never at home. A long time ago, I told W how I get through the lonely nights was hugging a pillow as I could feel her heart beat all the way across the country or in a different country. I miss that heart beat!

Okay, off to sleep, or at least read a bit.

Peace to all,

CBK