W came into office where I hang out and wanted apologize how she said that she was in love with this other guy... didn't want to hurt me... blah, blah, blah. Well, we got into a huge R talk - I was doing so well until she came up and started talking to me...
Basically I slid all the way back to zero. Told W that I am here, being friends will be very difficult, we can work this out, and I know that she is not in a place to make this decision. This was an hour and a half conversation... I know she is totally torn up right now as I am - she asked what I wanted, I said to give us a chance when she is ready - I get not wanting to settle adn that the feeling needs to be there for her and I just hope that if and when it comes back, I am there. I did acknowledge that I knew she couldn't make this decision right now. She thought that it may be easier if one of us moved out, I said no, that makes no sense and I am going to give her the space she needs to make this decision - that I am going to the most difficult thing that I have ever done and that is to detach from her so she can get her space.
What a night - I thought after MC I was doing so well, knew I was "fragile" and wish I would have just accepted her apology and let her go.
I am so bummed that I backslid. W at the end said we need to take this hour by hour. I guess I saw that as a good sign.
Groan....
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
