Bring on the Rain

[SueS]

Hello everyone-

Well, I kind of thought that my days of crying uncontrollably were over. Guess not!

I picked D4 up from school and she began telling me about her daddy taking her to McDonalds for breakfast & to play. She said, we saw daddy's friend there. She giggled and said, his girlfriend. Then she told me that she'd played with her little girl and said her name. Yep, H took D4 to meet OW. I about lost it. I kept fairly calm around D4 and just asked her a few little questions. When we got home I called H.

Me: Are you going to be home right after work?
H: I think so, why?
Me: I want to talk to you.
H: About what?
Me: (Lost it!!) What the hell were you thinking? Did you think that D4 wouldn't tell me about what you two did this morning?
H: What about it?
Me: What are you trying to do? She's going to be confused enough without you bringing her around OW.
H: Well, do you think she won't spend time around her in the future?
Me: I understand that, but doing it now while you and I are still living together is just not good for her. It confuses her.
H: I swear I didn't say anything to D4. I just acted like we ran into them.
Me: I don't care. It's still not good. She's smart and she catches on to these things.
Me: We need to talk about everything. When do you want to do that?
H: Whenever you want.
Me: Let's try this weekend.
H: Okay.
Me: Are you still going to live with your friend right away?
H: Yeah, for a while.
Me: What's a while?
H: I don't know.
Me: (crying) H, I'm not happy with all of this. I hate that it's come to this but I get it. I've accepted it. I know you don't want this anymore. I know you don't love me.
H: That's not what I've said. I do love you. I'm just not in love with you. I don't hate you Sue.
Me: I know. I just want you to know that I don't like this at all, but I don't want it to be messy.
H: It won't be. And besides, I thought you'd be the one to make it messy.
Me: Why? How does that help me or D4?
H: To get back at me. Because you have a lot of friends and family that probably think I'm an F'ing ba$tard for what I've done and they're probably right. I thought they'd be putting thoughts into your head.
Me: H, I'm a grown woman. I know you think that my friends and family have a lot of influnce on me, but I make my own decisions and I do it based on what's best for me and D4. No one else is going to live my life for me.
H: I know.
Me: H, I want us to be able to have good, decent conversations in the future without having anger toward each other. If things get messy, that can't happen.
H: And we can still do that.
Me: I want D4 to be able to have time with both of us together from time to time.
H: She will. I won't abandon you Sue.
H: I have to go (he was at work). I'll talk to you later.
Me: Okay.

So, that had me crying for about an hour. I couldn't help it. It just kept coming and coming. There was no hiding it from D4. She either heard my conversation or something more happened this morning because she kept telling me not to cry because it was only dad's friend.

I don't know, maybe reality struck me a little tonight. It was hard for me because H was in the bedroom this morning trying to get me to have sex (I declined) and then I found out that he met OW for breakfast. What is happening in that mind of his? Blecky!!

Well, I need to go take something for the headache I know have!!

Thanks for listening!!

SueS