A little journaling, I picked kids up from school today and W just came and got them. She was here for a little while as I was finishing their dinner when she got here.
I had a call from my mother today to tell me that they had to put my grandfather in the hospital today due to his heart, she will call me later to let me know how serious this is. I told W that I may need to get the kids one day over the weekend to carry them to see him. She says that will be fine and she would like to see him also.
She told me that my grandmother called her a few weeks back and wanted to know if they knew about our sitch. I told her yes, she then said she got a call today from someone we work with to let her know they care alot about the two of us and they would be there for either of us if we needed them. She asked me who else knew? I told her about the mother at the ballpark this weekend who asked me about it. She says "great, everyone will know now." I told her well it has been long enough and I'm surprised others are just finding out.
She then says we need to keep getting along as it will be important for our kids, I said I agree. She says you know we will have our hands full next school year as S10 will be going to middle school. I said I am sure our hands will be full. She asked if I thought the kids were getting along OK. I said I think they have issues as they talk to me about our sitch and it bothers them.
I could have easily backslid today, I kept my composure the whole time, it didn't feel to good saying we need to be friends during this process but I didn't let her see it. In fact I told her "I feel good about where we are right now" and I believe things are going well the way they are. She really didn't have anything to say to this.
I kind of think she was wanting to talk to me about R, and other parts of my think she is just insuring we can be friends during this.
She said she will be calling my mother tonight to find out about my grandfather.
How did I do with this? I believe I handled it correctly.
A little journaling, I picked kids up from school today and W just came and got them. She was here for a little while as I was finishing their dinner when she got here.
I had a call from my mother today to tell me that they had to put my grandfather in the hospital today due to his heart, she will call me later to let me know how serious this is. I told W that I may need to get the kids one day over the weekend to carry them to see him. She says that will be fine and she would like to see him also.
She told me that my grandmother called her a few weeks back and wanted to know if they knew about our sitch. I told her yes, she then said she got a call today from someone we work with to let her know they care alot about the two of us and they would be there for either of us if we needed them. She asked me who else knew? I told her about the mother at the ballpark this weekend who asked me about it. She says "great, everyone will know now." I told her well it has been long enough and I'm surprised others are just finding out.
She then says we need to keep getting along as it will be important for our kids, I said I agree. She says you know we will have our hands full next school year as S10 will be going to middle school. I said I am sure our hands will be full. She asked if I thought the kids were getting along OK. I said I think they have issues as they talk to me about our sitch and it bothers them.
I could have easily backslid today, I kept my composure the whole time, it didn't feel to good saying we need to be friends during this process but I didn't let her see it. In fact I told her "I feel good about where we are right now" and I believe things are going well the way they are. She really didn't have anything to say to this.
I kind of think she was wanting to talk to me about R, and other parts of my think she is just insuring we can be friends during this.
She said she will be calling my mother tonight to find out about my grandfather.
How did I do with this? I believe I handled it correctly.
Wow Ping, dangerous waters you treaded there. That could have turned to R in a heartbeat. I think you played it right. it's a positive that she wants to see your Grandfather I think.
It's funny my W got a little upset that I had told people after I was served w/papers..Don't know why they get upset. Maybe us telling people puts the idea in our W's head that we may just be ready to move on and this makes them upset? I don't know, just a guess. Keep doing what you're doing, no rush, you have plenty of time.
One other thing I forgot to mention in above post and am needing some feedback on what you all think.
Before W left, she asked me if I wanted to split up our Cell phones from being on the same account, said all we needed to do was go to Sprint and sign them over, stating we would have to do that sooner or later. I told her it didn't matter to me but I had no problem with her staying on it for the time being. She said OK.
Now GL, don't go to thinking anything, I pay our cell bill and it is expensed at work so I have no reason to take her off of it right now.
Was she testing me to see if I would say yes, we need to do that because her mind is wondering right now what is going on with me and checking to see how I stand on the R? I kind of got that feeling after she had left, kind of like testing the waters to make sure he is still in this game or not. As I said in my above post, I let her know that things were fine the way they are now in our R as I want her to know that I will move on. Either she is testing me or she is finsihed in her mind and ready to change the account but I feel if that was the case, she would have said, we need to change the phones now, when can you meet me. Give me some advice please.
One other thing I forgot to mention in above post and am needing some feedback on what you all think.
Before W left, she asked me if I wanted to split up our Cell phones from being on the same account, said all we needed to do was go to Sprint and sign them over, stating we would have to do that sooner or later. I told her it didn't matter to me but I had no problem with her staying on it for the time being. She said OK.
Now GL, don't go to thinking anything, I pay our cell bill and it is expensed at work so I have no reason to take her off of it right now.
Was she testing me to see if I would say yes, we need to do that because her mind is wondering right now what is going on with me and checking to see how I stand on the R? I kind of got that feeling after she had left, kind of like testing the waters to make sure he is still in this game or not. As I said in my above post, I let her know that things were fine the way they are now in our R as I want her to know that I will move on. Either she is testing me or she is finsihed in her mind and ready to change the account but I feel if that was the case, she would have said, we need to change the phones now, when can you meet me. Give me some advice please.
Detective in me Ping..No offense intended.
Ping, Interesting about the cell phone. Wonder why that is an issue for her? Are you able to examine the bill closely? I'm wondering if there are numbers on there that she does not want you to see?? Or maybe there are about to be numbers on there that she does not you to see?
Could be a test. I'm sure she is wondering what is happening. You leaving the ballfield the other night may have her wondering if their is OW in the picture?? I would keep doing what you're doing. patiently watch, continue to act "as if". I would make sure my radar is up and really watch what she is doing..It's curious she would mention the cell phone..
Ping- the rollercoaster is coming by you now..don't get on, keep a level head. Don't let your mind get the better of you. We all can overthink things too much at times.
I believe she is testing, wants to see how much you want to split up right away. It is the hurry deal, part of her wants to get things in order so she can feel better and part of her is very afraid of the "change". All in all, I believe you handled it very well. I agree if the kids are asking questions and upset she should know about it. Everyone involved needs to understand how this affects everyone.
My W. at times still believes our S. will be just fine and it won't bother or disrupt his life. Hah, my parents were divorced when I was 4 and I can remember things from 30 years ago like they happened yesterday. Especially when my Dad had his suitcase in hand and I asked when he was coming back, he said he wasn't. I thought he was going on vacation or something. 30 years ago my friend and it is a fresh as yesterday.
Those that don't think it affects children need to get their head out of their backside. It has huge impact on kids!
Good Job over all!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Thanks Mike and TGF, Mike I believe the reason she even brought it up was because we spent most of the time in the kitchen and I had the phone bill sitting there on the counter so I'm sure after we were discussing things she brought this up. I want to think it was a test to see where I am in this sitch right now as TGF has pointed out. We will have to see, yes I do get the cell bills now, I can see every number called to her phone and that she calls out, right now I have no reason to be worried.
TGF, my W also believes our kids will be fine with this mess. She came from a broken home and use to talk about how it hurt her as a kid, I guess she has forgotten that now. It amazes me how their minds become so fogged that they forget everything they once knew. But I can say, yesterday was the first time in 5 months she asked me how I thought the kids were doing. Every other time she has told me how she thought they were doing.
Thanks Mike and TGF, Mike I believe the reason she even brought it up was because we spent most of the time in the kitchen and I had the phone bill sitting there on the counter so I'm sure after we were discussing things she brought this up. I want to think it was a test to see where I am in this sitch right now as TGF has pointed out. We will have to see, yes I do get the cell bills now, I can see every number called to her phone and that she calls out, right now I have no reason to be worried.
TGF, my W also believes our kids will be fine with this mess. She came from a broken home and use to talk about how it hurt her as a kid, I guess she has forgotten that now. It amazes me how their minds become so fogged that they forget everything they once knew. But I can say, yesterday was the first time in 5 months she asked me how I thought the kids were doing. Every other time she has told me how she thought they were doing.
Good, then I think she may be testing.
I think it's a positive that she asked you how you thought the kids were doing..Maybe she's now viewing you as a partner, part of the team when dealing with the kids.
My W is a child of D too. She also says our D will be OK..she compalined about not having a Dad growing up but sees our D as Ok without a full time dad. I don't understand their thinking either.
One other thing W said to me yesterday during our conversation that I just thought of was she stated we were going to have problems if we did not get the kids out of sleeping with us. Normally I would have said well we can solve that very easily because that is where I belong and if I came home then that problem would be solved. I did not say this, I just told her that yes they did not need to be doing that. When they are here, they do not sleep with me unless they get up in the night and come to my room. Again, was she fishing? I can't help but to think she was but I'm not sure either. Any opinions?
One other thing W said to me yesterday during our conversation that I just thought of was she stated we were going to have problems if we did not get the kids out of sleeping with us. Normally I would have said well we can solve that very easily because that is where I belong and if I came home then that problem would be solved. I did not say this, I just told her that yes they did not need to be doing that. When they are here, they do not sleep with me unless they get up in the night and come to my room. Again, was she fishing? I can't help but to think she was but I'm not sure either. Any opinions?
W and I have been disagreeing on the kids in bed thing. Amazing how we are all experiencing similar issues...
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Interesting discussion. My kids are 19 adn 20 - W says won't affect them, but when I talk to friends whose parents D late in life, they said it was one of the most devistating days of their lives! W doesn't agree and thinks it will not affect them. It will. So it doesn't matter about the age, W's go into fog...
Ping, it sounds like you are doing well. She may be fishing, sounds like it a bit to me - but as you have told many of us, patience and no expectations!
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
