Yep, I remember...the times I talked the most about D is when H started to pursue (because I felt guilty) or when OM started pushing. She does have the best of both worlds. If you push something, she will have to choose......If my H had forced things earlier I'm not sure what I would have done. It took me 3 years to make the right choice on my own. If he had known about the A it would have been earlier.
Jeff, you may want to say you need to sit and talk about finances with her since you are still married and you have some planning to do. Then, explain things to her so she understands what needs to be done either way.
This is the hardest thing for all of you to do. If you want to keep your marriage you won't think about it as walking all over you, you will think of it as doing what it takes to keep the marriage so that you can make some changes and learn from mistakes and make a better marriage.
I did not lose respect for my H, I am proud of him for sticking by me no matter what. That being said, he didn't outwardly know about my A so didn't have to "live with it" the whole time. You are presenting it to your wives that you are fighting for them not ALLOWING THEM to do whatever. You are hoping they "open their eyes". I'm sure there will be a "breaking point" for you and only you and God know when that is.
