Are you saying her fear of losing the children has caused her to tell lies that could possibly result in her losing her children?
Yes. But like I said, I don't know if it is lying or just a lack of familiarity with reality.
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Her fears were real though, cos you were wanting 50% custody … Did you really expect her to let you have the kids 50% of the time or were you just trying to scare her?
I don't understand the question. Her "fears were real." you mean, she was AFRAID that I would want 50% custody of my own children? Ok, if that is what she was afraid of, then yes, the fears were well founded. But is that a reasonable fear? I mean, come on, it's a divorce. It's 2008. What does she think will happen to the kids?
And what do you mean, was I "just trying to scare her?" ??
Yes, I really expected to get the kids 50% of the time. And I still do. And I disagree with the implicit premise in your question - you asked Did you really expect her to let you have the kids 50% of the time ...? It's not her decision, is it? The kids are not hers to award as she sees fit. They are my kids too, are they not? What does it mean to speak of her "letting me have the kids" ? It is not her prerogative. The children are not her possession.
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Secondly, I would be a little bit worried that that may go against you with the evaluator / divorce. How can you say she is ‘nuts’ and making it up when you have basically agreed with everything she has said?
I did not agree with everything she said. I empathized with everything she said. I said "it must have felt horrible" and "I didn't realize how horrible it was for you." I did not say "I criticized you." I did not say "I made it horrible for you." I said, "It must have felt horrible that you felt criticized." (or something like that)
I said "I controlled you" but that was in the context of asking her to stay in the marriage. I never prevented her physically from leaving the house, I never prevented her from seeing her attorney. I asked her to stop calling her boyfriend but never prevented her from doing so. I never grabbed her phone or monitored her comings and goings. I did ask her to go to counseling, which she agreed to, for a while. I did ask her to go on a vacation to Hawaii with me, which she did. I was trying to rebuild and she viewed it all as "controlling", meaning, I did not accept her desire to dissolve the marriage. She's right, I did not accept it. Now I do.
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You need to back that up with action from now on. You need to show that you meant what you said.
You mean, that I want her to be happy, with or without me? You mean, that I wish her the best? That I want this to be a civil discourse? That I respect her desire to end the marriage? Yes, of course I want all of that. But I have a DV allegation hanging over me. I am severely constrained.
There is ZERO contact allowed. I am not "showing her" anything. Zero contact is zero contact.
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Have you sent any other letters / emails that may be used against you?
Ha! Everything I have done or said can and will be used against me! I worked hard and she alleged that I worked 60 hour weeks and consequently was never available for the kids. This is completely untrue. I have never worked 60 hours in a week since our babies arrived. I always had a personal policy that I do not work weekends. So steady 60 hour workweeks means 5 twelve-hour days in a row, every week. I NEVER work 12 hours in a day, ever. I was at work by 8am-9am and home for dinner at 530-6pm every night. When there was a baseball game at 5pm, or play at school at 5pm, I would be there. No way I worked 60 hours. But this is what she stated in a sworn declaration to the court. I was conscientious as a worker. But not 60 hours. 45, maybe.
I have one weakness, one personal passion for just me - riding my bike. I would ride one day a weekend (usually 3 weekends a month) with some other fathers. Typically it would be a 4-5 hour ride. We'd start at 6am, and I would be home and showered and ready to go do family stuff at eleven, or noon latest. All the fathers wanted to be home for their families so that is how we did it. And in the court documents she said, when I wasn't working, I was always riding my bike, and never with the family. This is horse feathers. Even my good qualities, she has twisted to make them terrible. Everyone needs a hobby, eh? Mine was NOT drinking or clubbing. And actually I loved riding with my kids, we'd do it often. But she twists this into a flaw.
