Your W was 'gaslighting' you, making you think you were crazy to think such awful things about her. I totally agree with Puppy that Intel is necessary when you are constantly hearing lies. After that, pointless, UNLESS it pertains to your kids well being.
Funny these spouses say OP has nothing to do with them being so unhappy in their marriage. H shot this to me ALL summer long when he was involved with OW. When he broke it off, she became the one and only reason our marriage has failed. Ironic.
I agree, I don't think you should proceed with filing at this point. Does your W know you are dating? Do you feel emotionally ready to be dating while you are married? Do you boys know you are seeing someone?
Sara - good point. I think that she is relieved about my suggestion that I may / may not sign off the divorce. I told her that this morning. I said that I will divorce her at a later stage, when either the OM is deported or our youngest S13 turns 18. I also told her that us meeting with or without the kids is not something I want to do in the future. I told her that I do not wish to hear from her unless if it is an emergency relating to the children.
I received an email from her earlier which said:
'I know we are not in contact at the moment, but having just had a chance to sit down finally after panicking about my taught session this morning I have considered what you said today. I want you to know I appreciate what you said, Thank you and have a wonderful birthday.'
Thanks Puppy - If the OM goes anywhere near my children, I will definitely take action. My boys are very big guys despite their young age and apparently, he is a little man. So if anything is more at risk being near them than they are.
No, I have no intention to be friends with her, unless if she comes back to her senses but I will not consider going back with her. My lady friend and I get along fine and I do not want to lose that for a dishonest woman.
Finances are not a problem at all. We have already agreed 50/50 split of assets through the solicitors.
Karen43 said in an earlier post that she is probably going through MLC. She said herself that she thinks she is going through one. She has become a high risk taker.
If she's smart, she'll want to stay married just to see what OM is about. Surely she doesn't want to be used by him. ****** You should expect to have arguments with her if you discuss these things. What about that was surprising?
Yes, but I don't think a lot of people going through MLC and/or affairs ARE smart!!! My H is just realizing now that he will have less money after the divorce. He used to tell me stuff like he would have more money after the divorce (although we have twice the expenses) and he'll have more time at his job for some reason although it is the same job that he has never been able to take off for the last 8 years, and those kind of thoughts. Kind of delusional and not very smart thinking process in my opinion. I mean if they were really using their brain cells they wouldn't be having affairs I think!!!
I have been having lots of arguments with my H recently (in person and email!) and have decided not to do that anymore. I think it just makes it easier for them to divorce us when we fall into that trap. I am just going to talk about the kids or kid-related discussions and nothing else (well try my best anyhow). I am going to tell him we can work the issues out later (which we will do if we have mediation and/or divorce court) or if we reconcile (doubtful though) we of course wouldn't have to figure out alimony and other divorce-related issues. My C today was saying our arguments are mostly pointless at this point, and I agree.
Puppy - The only joint account left is for mortgage payments as she is still paying half, although not living here. Her parents are wealthy, but she is in debt as she keeps telling me. She has never been good with finances, would eat at restaurants even when overdrawn. Buys, buys, buys lots of clothes. Seriously concerned about ageing, diets, runs all the time. She gets angry very quickly, both with me and the boys. She can switch within hours and would be as nice as pie. She is very gullible and she often says that she knows she is off the wall! She has serious self-esteem issues - she does not think that she is pretty.
Karen 43 - I know exactly what you mean. Your husband sounds irrational. You are doing the right thing by becoming totally indifferent to him. He will probably start moaning about how broke he is. You should divorce him. He sounds like a liability.
Seriously concerned about ageing, diets, runs all the time. She gets angry very quickly, both with me and the boys.
MoMo01
Thanks for the advice. I hate to tell you but I think your W sounds a little like my H. He is also a runner (just ran a 50K!) and diets, etc. And he gets angry quickly and frequently lately. Not good with money--he spends about $1000 a month eating out (well I think he must pay for the OW sometimes to spend so much) and I spend $0 on that. I am probably one of the few people that may actually have more money after divorce than before or at least I don't think it's possible I will have less! (H doesn't give me anything besides grocery money).
No. We had a few accounts for various things, eg. savings, shopping, bills etc. I transferred all of those accounts to my sole name and split the funds equally. We have never had problems with money. She owed me nearly £6000 which she has now paid back. I don't trust her anymore and will not lend her anymore money. Before all this happened, she would complain about being broke, and I always offered to lend her money. We have always paid various amounts in different accounts each month and kept the rest for ourselves. I am fairly careful and I always have savings, she on the other hand is reckless.
The other thing that is striking about her is that she is a risk-taker. She would go running in a park in the middle of the night where someone recently was murdered. I told her but it did not stop her. Last November she run a Marathon in a highly volatile area in the world. I told her that it was not safe to go, but she went anyhow. She didn't have the money, but she borrowed £3000 from the bank and stayed in a 5 star hotel lol! The woman is nuts. When she came back, she was broke again within a week. AND, wait for this, she never misses mass! She is Catholic!
I am going to tell him we can work the issues out later (which we will do if we have mediation and/or divorce court) or if we reconcile (doubtful though) we of course wouldn't have to figure out alimony and other divorce-related issues. My C today was saying our arguments are mostly pointless at this point, and I agree. 