So you are totally denying that the fact that your: temper. controlling behaviour and the fact that you have been scary towards your children not to mention the above was just your ‘humanness’ and could not possibly have contributed to your W feelings towards you changing over time?
NO! Never! I am not denying it. I admit it and accept it.
Quote:
So why do you think her feelings for you changed?
Feelings change because they are feelings. They always change.
I think - this is just me - I think she had her indiscretion with my friend, and it felt invigorating - the drug of new love. I think she was deeply troubled by it but addicted to the high. Then she had 2 paths - come back to me and accept her role, do the work with me, or walk away from me. Somehow she could not bear to come back.
I also think, maybe, she is an alcoholic. Her boyfriend is truly an alcoholic. He drank all the time, for no reason. I'd go on bike rides with him at 7am (Remember, he was my friend), and he'd be drinking rum. He showed up drunk to pick up his kids at school once (2pm) and the school called the police on him. He's got multiple DUIs and I heard he was in jail for that. How can she go for this guy?? How? unless..... unless they share a common passion. And in fact, they drank every time they met - morning, noon and night. Her mother is an alcoholic. It would not be a great surprise if she, too, had a problem.
I tell you I wanted to go to counseling right away. I accepted my role and worked hard even in the beginning to fix what she pointed out was wrong with me. She commented specifically on how I treated the kids and I specifically worked on that in individual counseling, reading books. I renewed my relationship with my kids, and became ME, not my father. Essentially I had been emulating my father, and I recognized this and realized I had to be ME. And I am happier for it. She recognized this and was happy for me.
But other stuff - she couldn't tell me what else to work on.
Quote:
you will alienate your wife further if you keep harassing [my emphasis] her friends and family.
I agree I will alienate my wife if I harass anyone. Who wants to live with someone like that?!? I don't believe I am harassing, but you do. I don't know why. Have you read what I wrote? Do you understand that THEY CALL ME ?
Quote:
Are you hoping to get custody of your children from your W?
I believe what is best for the kids is to have two parents in a loving relationship. Failing that I believe what is next best is to have 2 parents. They need their mother, and they need me. Dang shame it can't be together. I want 50% custody. I never wanted to take my kids away from my wife, though she has expressed that fear to multiple people. She has strongly resisted a 50% custody arrangement.
My hope is that I can have a home near their schools, and my wife can have one also. They can stay with me some nights, and with their mother other nights. This seems like a distant 2nd place in the contest for best home arrangement for kids, but it is what I would like to see. In fact she and I were discussing this very topic in email when the protection order came in against me, stopping all conversation.
