You are right. I need to tell him more how I like each specific thing. I have been generalizing a lot, in today's email I said that I can feel how things are going to be different for us and as long as we keep working and communicating we will be ok. He said he feels so different talk to me now, that a switch has been turned on. He said he knows we are on the road to recovery. We are doing pretty good.
Now, .....I just need to keep my mind on what I want...My eyes filled up with tears upon thinking about OM today. It's so frustrating...I know I don't want to be with him and yet that "OM love" keeps getting to me. Thank God I got rid of everything or I'd be "checking myspaces, messengers, etc.". It's so stupid, the sadness angers me.....I'm mad at myself for being this way.
You are going to go through some crazy emotions. Keep doing what you are doing. You know in your heart its the right thing. I know it doesn't make it any easier knowing right from wrong. Your going through the withdrawls.
Good thing you have this forum to vent your frustrations.
And I think reading about what affairs do to the betrayed spouse can only help you. So many heartaches. Husbands and wives. We all feel the same pain.
You are doing great in so many ways. You are not only healing yourself but helping others to understand at the same time.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I have been rereading through your posts and sorry if I missed it but what age are you, your H and your S? It seems like alot of us are mid 30's to early 40's. Thanks kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks, H4h. Yes, I know for certain this is the right thing. Thank Goodness for this forum. Reading about the "other side" is definitely helpful. Thanks for your kind words.
Good morning whatdididi, I'm starting in on your original post because people can see your background info
I hope you are going allright today
Quote:
whatdididi: This limbo you talk about is horrible, for your spouse, too. She wants to leave, to be happy, to stop the pain she is causing you and herself, and yet...she stays....why? Because she WANTS to be home, she WANTS to be happy with you. You both should get that "After the Affair" book because it really does look at both sides and what both sides are feeling. She is immobilized right now. I know you are having a hard time being faithful, my H said he did, too.
I think its financial and the kids. If W was financially able to leave she would. If the kids were in school fulltime and we were not looking a them being home all summer I think she would leave. Perfect storm could hit in Sept 08 if she gets a fulltime job becasue kids will be in school fulltime. I'm going to get the book you recommended and regarding being faithful, I believe I speak for all men, we just want some lovin, to feel like a man again. I'm going to be faithful, because right now 3 is a crowd and 4 would be chaos.
Thanks for your thoughts, I'll keep an eye on your post
1 Corinthians 13 (New Living Translation) 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
I'm doing everything I can think of, trying to follow Gods will, forgivness, patience and love
patience is the hardest, the waiting
M45 W41 D9, D6, D6, S5 M 10 years 2 Dogs, 1 Cat OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 and still going ???
I was going to say something in your post, but I think it locked up? Not sure, but couldn't post.
Last night, I went out to dinner and had drinks with some girlfriends. H texted me once saying he hoped I was having a good time and he loved me and missed me. He never used to do that stuff. I came home soon after and we talked before going to bed. Nice. It was good to connect with my gfs. Have lost touch with them for the past 3 years.
Today, woke up, H and I got ready for church and made the early mass together. Mass was nice and felt good to sit together with his arm around me and our son with us. As we headed home I found myself getting more and more critical of him...bad breath, didn't shave, too skinny, jeans are "floods", walks funny, etc. The skinny thing has always been an issue because he runs a lot and eats like a bird so he constantly looks too thin to me. It's a "turn off". Maybe I'm still comparing to OM...I don't know. I don't know what to do about those things. Just love him for who he is? I can try. Try to see the good things, not the bad things? I can try. Is it ok to want your H to work on his outward appearance to make himself more attractive? Or, am I just getting the "ick" because I am still withdrawing from OM?
We came home from church and I can feel grumpy. We are pleasant to one another and talk about things we want to do this summer and what we want to do today. He asks about Mother's Day. I hate that he can't ever just get me a gift on my own. I wish he knew me enough to do this. I don't even want anything. I told him I just want us to be happy...that's all I want. I finally came across something in the Sunday ads that I want. He'll probably get me that. I could tell him that the $10 pink tool set from Menards and a huge bouquet of pink carnations would have been even better, but when I have to tell him then it isn't quite as nice and I woudln't feel the same about them.
He just left for a bike ride with son. I love how great a dad he is. He said me coming along would be even better. I have about 3 hours of work to do. I will work on it while they are gone. Then, we will do stuff together when they get back.
Back to your post to me, Jeff- the finances and the kids make your W have reasons to stay....but those are not the only reasons. If she really wanted to leave she would. I understand you wanting to feel like a man again and get some loving. Right now, I am craving feeling like a "woman", and it is hard to have H make me feel that way......it's going to take time........
Thanks for watching my post. I look for your insight on what I said today.
Hey whatdidido, It sounds like everything is going rather well, I have already picked out something for W for mothers days, I make a mental note and sometimes years after W said it I still remember.
Quick note: W had a breakdown today, she feels she is getting now where in life, rat on a treadmill. I listened, and then boom she has found a place to stay and is moving out now.
WTF, excuse my language, I have all the kids and her here today, making the best of it, we are going to talk Monday night, she is going to fill me in on the details, says she cannot take care of me like I should, says I should have someone that loves me, I have to go now, will get back and post as soon as I can
I'm doing everything I can think of, trying to follow Gods will, forgivness, patience and love
AND ITS NOT WORKING
M45 W41 D9, D6, D6, S5 M 10 years 2 Dogs, 1 Cat OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 and still going ???
Quick note: W had a breakdown today, she feels she is getting now where in life, rat on a treadmill. I listened, and then boom she has found a place to stay and is moving out now.
WTF, excuse my language, I have all the kids and her here today, making the best of it, we are going to talk Monday night, she is going to fill me in on the details, says she cannot take care of me like I should, says I should have someone that loves me, I have to go now, will get back and post as soon as I can
I'm doing everything I can think of, trying to follow Gods will, forgivness, patience and love
AND ITS NOT WORKING
It's not working b/c it's not about you! It sounds like your wife is having classic MLC!!! And she's following from the script: saying stuff like "she cannot take care of me like I should, says I should have someone that loves me (my H said stuff like that and has stopped lately thank goodness)! Bleck! Save me from their love and generosity please!!! Yes, she's just thinking of you now. Not!!!
I've found myself DBing and GALing for myself and my kids and I'm leading a happy, peaceful life. If my H decides to join us again and be a part of our family, that's fine with me, but if he decides to be with the OW and her "monster children" from what I've heard , then I think I will be fine too, maybe even better off! I guess I've detached a little from where I was before which is probably healthier. Karen
Save me from their love and generosity please!!! Yes, she's just thinking of you now. Not!!! 
, then I think I will be fine too, maybe even better off! I guess I've detached a little from where I was before which is probably healthier.