Her sister has asked you not to talk to her about the sexual abuse. Her friends say you are intimidating them.
Correction - her sister, last I spoke with her, asked me to stop calling her. I haven't called her again and I don't intend to again. "Her friends", really family friends, have NEVER said that I intimidate them. It is my wife's assertion that I intimidate them. I spoke to them about this and they disagree - they all say "it wasn't me who felt intimidated, must be someone else." These people call me as much as I call them, every 2-3 weeks. The last contact with any of them was last Saturday when one of "her friends" called me to say, how ya hangin?
Quote:
It is nothing to do with her sister or friends if she is accusing you of sexual abuse.
Ah, possibly. But here is where we differ. When we were married these people were in the church and they stood up and witnessed our union and promised to support us in our marriage. This is the way it works in the Catholic rite. I maybe take it a little too literally.
In any case my children matter, what happens to them matters to me. I have a solemn responsibility to them. Again, maybe I am too serious, too earnest about all this. I want the community - my extended family - to know what is happening to us, to my nuclear family. My children need their support.
Originally Posted By: nutty
Originally Posted By: spm
Let me ask you something - if a man were married to a raving drunk, and she were coming home every night at 4am loaded, missing work and crashing cars - would the man be wrong to inform her friends and family what he sees? I am not saying my wife is a drunk, it is a hypothetical question. Would the man be wrong? Keep in mind that surely the drunk woman would surely be embarassed and "hurt" by the revelation of her antics. Would the man be wrong?
How would the man gossiping to friends and family help the woman in this situation?
I struggle with this. Truly. How would silence and secrecy help? How would openness and truth help? It is a difficult situation. But in the end, I am tired of the secrets and unearned shame. I try to be gentle. I work hard (and sometimes succeed) at being discreet. But in some cases I need to be truthful.
Quote:
You say they are false, she says they are true. It would be up to a court of law to decide. Not family, friends or anyone else.
You do not need to believe me. But what I say is true. She said in court documents that I have called her friends specifically "to intimidate them." I called these family friends to understand - I asked them, have our conversations intimidated you? Please tell me and I will hang up, I will stop calling you now.
All of them professed disbelief. None of them FELT intimidated, all of them insisted that we continue to talk. All of them are volunteering to speak with the parenting evaluator in our case.
Yes, she says it is true, and the subjects involved say it is false. What now? What will we believe?
Look, this is just one of the false allegations. There are many. Some provably false. Most not. Nutty I am not talking about your situation here. I don't know what is going on with you, what went on in your marriage. I know 2 people can have different perspectives, and I respect that. But I am telling you what is going on with me. There are 2 possibilities. She is lying. Or, she is delusional. I don't know which it is.
She told her father I filed for divorce, when her name clearly is listed as the petitioner. She told her friends she doesn't see her boyfriend anymore, yet she had just been to visit with him out of state. She asserted to the court that I had "fallen behind on the bills" and "cut her off financially", but I have receipts from when I gave her cash, and when I took over the bills from her we were 6 weeks behind. It goes on and on. I sabotaged her efforts to get a job, because I was upset when I leanred she used the ruse of a "business meeting" to go on a date with OM. Lies? or Delusion? I don't know. Deeply troubling.
