Pregnant and heading for acceptance #2

[Forrest Gump]

I hear ya.. Really I do.

First lets see where blindsided1 is with all this.

Second we need to think in a much shorter term.

I am recommending this for 2 weeks. Thats it. It may continue it may not.. alot can happen in 2 weeks.

If.. she ever ends up in court with a lawyer saying that.. the wonderful thing she has on her side is all the documentation where she tried to include him and he chose not to. It will be dated and will have her name on it. Now where would she get that documentation from? All her locked posts. If she even wanted some "Drama" in the court room she could log in there and show them her "journal". I think I could make a case for PAS on his side.. and I am not a lawyer. One thing my lawyer told me was write everything down.. date it. She has already done that and did not even know she was doing it.

[blindsided1]

WOW - I love all the help.

RWS - great, great posts. Thank you. Last night H called to ask how the Dr. appt went. I waited an hour and texted back that it went fine, she was good, but breach (for now). And, I told him about my next appt on Friday. He just said "ok" I didn't respond. Then he called to talk about specifics at the appointment. He asked me what I did the night before and I told him that I went to the Angel game. Then he asked with who. I dodged it, first by telling him to hold on and walked away from the phone, then I totally started a new subject when I came back. H said he needed to call me back in a half hour. I said, "I probably won't answer. I'm going to bed." That's a first for me. Usually, I just say "ok".

Don't worry about offending me, usually it stings at first, then I'm over it. Blunt is fine. Ask Nik.
I am taking care of baby and I, first and foremost. I am actually having days where I don't give a sh!t about what H is doing or the sitch. It feels great. Now, those times are usually pretty short, but I am having more of them. That's a positive step to me.
As for the OW - if you read through my thread, you can see that she seems a bit desperate. She has 2 kids from a guy who would not marry her (wonder why). She moved my H (married man with prego wife) into her apt from day 1, he pays no rent, no utilities and no food. He spends all his money on toys and what he owes me. So, I'm not really sure what her story is, but I can't imagine that she's some prize. Sorry if that seems petty or bitter, but if the shoe fits.

I would not withold info about the baby from H. As a matter of fact, I told him that he could be as involved in the prenancy as he wants. In the beginning, he was great. He came to every appointment and checked up on me often. Now, he doesn't come to appointments and rarely asks how things are going. I tell him about each appointment, so he is aware when they are. He chooses NOT to attend. But, part of me wonders if that is partially due to pressure from OW.

Clarify what issue you think OW might be pushing? You stated that she might push the issue and It could come back to get me. Knowing that she has 2 children of her own, that do not live with her, she doesn't have them on the weekends, either. I'm not sure how much contact she actually has with them or why they don't live with her. I know that they are with their grandparents or their father the majority of the time. I can't imagine that she wants to care for my child. But, it's a scary possibility that I am keeping an eye on and trying to prepare as much as possible.

FG - good call and as a matter of fact, I am going to document the missed appointment, as well as all the purchases I have made where H has NOT contributed (crib, bedding, diapers, etc) just in case it helps at all.

I hate that our dream to start a family has turned into this. We tried soooo hard for Kendall, to get her here. I can't even imagine where his head is at that he is willing to throw it away.

[Runswithscissors]

Sorry Forrest....I will break this habit soon! (he hates when I do ----->).


RWS - great, great posts. Thank you. Last night H called to ask how the Dr. appt went. I waited an hour and texted back that it went fine, she was good, but breach (for now). And, I told him about my next appt on Friday. He just said "ok" I didn't respond.
---------->that was good.



Then he called to talk about specifics at the appointment. He asked me what I did the night before and I told him that I went to the Angel game.
-------->that was bad. Answer specifics about the appointment. When he asked what did you do? I would of said "I have something in the oven, I have to go" and I would of hung up.


Then he asked with who. I dodged it, first by telling him to hold on and walked away from the phone, then I totally started a new subject when I came back.
-------->that's better, but it should of never gotten "there".


H said he needed to call me back in a half hour. I said, "I probably won't answer. I'm going to bed." That's a first for me. Usually, I just say "ok".
-------->I would of said, have a good night and hung up. I would of not said "I probably won't answer"...... that tells him you are playing hard to get... you don't want to "tell" him verbatim... you just want to "do it".



Don't worry about offending me, usually it stings at first, then I'm over it. Blunt is fine. Ask Nik.
-------->good, because It's not meant to hurt you!!


I am taking care of baby and I, first and foremost. I am actually having days where I don't give a sh!t about what H is doing or the sitch. It feels great. Now, those times are usually pretty short, but I am having more of them. That's a positive step to me.
------->great step!!


As for the OW - if you read through my thread, you can see that she seems a bit desperate. She has 2 kids from a guy who would not marry her (wonder why). She moved my H (married man with prego wife) into her apt from day 1, he pays no rent, no utilities and no food. He spends all his money on toys and what he owes me. So, I'm not really sure what her story is, but I can't imagine that she's some prize. Sorry if that seems petty or bitter, but if the shoe fits.
------->she's wanting a babydaddy. He will figure that one out soon... but than again... as I said "you can't fix stupid".



I would not withold info about the baby from H. As a matter of fact, I told him that he could be as involved in the prenancy as he wants. In the beginning, he was great. He came to every appointment and checked up on me often. Now, he doesn't come to appointments and rarely asks how things are going. I tell him about each appointment, so he is aware when they are. He chooses NOT to attend. But, part of me wonders if that is partially due to pressure from OW.
------->could be and that's his choice. Document the days you tell him!



Clarify what issue you think OW might be pushing? You stated that she might push the issue and It could come back to get me. Knowing that she has 2 children of her own, that do not live with her, she doesn't have them on the weekends, either. I'm not sure how much contact she actually has with them or why they don't live with her. I know that they are with their grandparents or their father the majority of the time. I can't imagine that she wants to care for my child. But, it's a scary possibility that I am keeping an eye on and trying to prepare as much as possible.
--------->Having been a NCM for 10 years, I can say that not all moms without their kids are bad people. Some just have better ex's with Judical strings. However, her NOT having her kids could give her more of a reason to try to get yours. You don't know her situation. But having two baby daddies... I don't think you have alot to worry about. Do keep your eye out, that's all.






FG - good call and as a matter of fact, I am going to document the missed appointment, as well as all the purchases I have made where H has NOT contributed (crib, bedding, diapers, etc) just in case it helps at all.
-------->document everything.



I hate that our dream to start a family has turned into this. We tried soooo hard for Kendall, to get her here. I can't even imagine where his head is at that he is willing to throw it away.
--------->You can't fix stupid".




Now.. one note on the documentation. While you have a journal on the internet, keep one personally. Even if you have to go back with your notes from here... Judges do not typically use internet boards as a form of "evidence". Emails are being used more and more, but some times they are "iffy".
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[Startingover2]

Blindsided...you are so lucky to have all this advice. I wish I would have had it during my last weeks of pregnancy.

I agree with it all. When H would text me and ask how I was, I would either not respond or say 'fine'. I would give simple answers to baby questions. Your H and mine are cut from the same mold it seems. It drove my H nuts when I blew him off and acted like I couldn't care less if he was around or not.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey, just a comment, I think we all need to stop using the word "FINE". maybe it's just me, but when that word is being WRITTEN as opposed to SPOKEN, it can come across as bitter, or sarcastic.

why not use the word "good" or "great! thx!"

she wants him to think her life is great, not so-so.

Blindsided, I think you did good on your texting and convo. You DO still want to give just enough info to make your life sound fun, w/o divulging everything, so I still think you did good. Your doing better B! but remember, you don't have to pick up the phone every time. And you can hang up sooner! Give yourself a time limit, like 15 minutes and make sure you hang up before it's up.. even set the timer on a microwave or something to remind you.

RWS, on her response to him calling back in 30 minutes, someone had suggested a while back, for her take control of the convo, because more often then not, he would not call back and she would be disappointed. I thought that was a great idea to change it around. True, she is speaking out her playing hard to get, but I don't think this hurts her. Plus, the main reason for her doing it is to make sure she's not expecting his call. If she tells him not to, then she's not wondering all night, "is he gonna call". so it's more for her, not for him.

[Runswithscissors]

That's makes total sense.... never considered it from that angle. I am the type of person who wouldn't "wait" for the call, but for a person that would... I get it! Makes sense!

[Forrest Gump]

So what i got from this is we are doing Graceful Detachment.

Blindsided1.. this is your life.. all we want to do is help.

Off we go..

#1.. Fine is not a word you use.. Great, Fabulous, Fantastic, Wonderful, Excellent. You are never Fine or Well. You can mix it up a little with "Why do you ask?" Don't respond to the answer.

#2.. You need to smile more. Proven fact.. if you are smiling whatever you say.. be it on the phone or in person.. will be received better. Make a conscious effort to smile when you are talking to him. Texting does not count here. You need to find something that makes you smile when you think about it. Commit it to memory and think about it before you talk to him.

#3.. I saw the phone conversation. I like it. That was really good. Now this is going to sound really weird. Just bare with me. You are 7 months pregnant? I am going to suggest you go to the store and buy yourself a really nice body pillow. They are really long and you can get them it different firmnesses. Find one that feels lovely. Now pick a girl name. Whatever. If you ever need a out from a conversation just say.. "I need to go. Me and Jane are going to "watch a movie." You can replace "Movie" with whatever. When he asks "Who is Jane?" Just say no one. Gotta go.

#4.. Busy Work. Think outside your comfort zone. There should be lots of free classes you can sign up for about you and baby. Use them. Take up a pregnant swimming class or something. The internet is your friend. Look around.

#5.. OW.. Drop it. It will get you no where. It will eat you alive. No good can come from it. Busy Work will help you with this. Again.. Outside your comfort zone!!

#6.. DO NOT!!.. initiate a txt message. <---- Do you see that?

The only thing you initiate is a call or face to face. You will bring out my "Drama Queen" on this one.

If.. you need to txt.. come here and do it. Post it up get it out of your system. Do not send any txt without being txt'd first. Email.. Same thing..

Why? Because he can't see you smiling!!

Blindsided1.. this is going to be hard.. Trust me he is going to try and draw you out. Don't let him do it. You deserve better. Don't play his game.

--------------------------------------------------------
S.T. _I Made It!

Did you see the high quality tool you just handed out to RWS?

[kml]

she has 2 children of her own, that do not live with her, she doesn't have them on the weekends, either. I'm not sure how much contact she actually has with them or why they don't live with her. I know that they are with their grandparents or their father the majority of the time.

Hmmmmmmmm. While I agree that not all non-custodial moms have problems, one who doesn't even get weekends raises a red flag. Should you be doing some investigating to make sure she's not abusive or a drug addict before you let H take the baby over there?

Ellie

[Tomato]

Hi Blindsided1

Just want to say hi and let you know I am thinking about you and hope your Fri is going excellent. Have a peaceful, fun-filled weekend. I am planning on spending the better part of mine w/ W. She wants to take me out for dinner and movie and perhaps even a baseball game or something like that. I wish my birthday happened a little more often if I am going to get this kinda treatment :).

Keep me in your prayers please and I will do the same for you. Last weekend got slightly 'rocky' for us so I hope this one is smoother.

May Christ's peace lift you higher than ever.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

"They are really long and you can get them it different firmnesses. Find one that feels lovely. Now pick a girl name."

That is GREAT Forest!!!

Did you see the high quality tool you just handed out to RWS?

do you mean my poor ability to quote people?