kissak- I'm so sorry about the effect this is having on your d. Have you told your h about it recently? This should be the main topic of your ongoing conversations, not your R, not the OW, not if he knows what he want to do. I would say (or email) something to the effect that you do not appreciate his badmouthing you to the children, esp. when d has a disorder that's stress-related. I would flat out tell him that since the latest round of emails between him and d, d has started pulling out her hair again. I would also tell him that you and he need to put together a plan to minimize the effect of your S on your children. I know that the kids are your main priority, but you have to let him know that you need his help too. Hugs..
