H called twice yesterday. First time in the afternoon when he told me he had signed up for the motorcycle course and is getting his license. The course starts next week. At 45, classic MLC!!! Then he called at about 11:30 p.m. when I was getting ready for bed. He had gone to a coaches' awards dinner and it sounded like he'd had a few beers. He talked about the prospective job, the new city, S11. Then he said "If you and I get back together, I'm going to need major counselling". It's the second time in the last few days he's brought up counselling. I replied "You should get counselling even if we don't get back together. You need to do it for yourself." I then went on and talked about how I'm trying to get to a place of healing but that it does take time. I told him the books I've read have helped me understand and deal with our sitch. He asked me about some of the books. I told him not all the ones I've read have been helpful. I made the same point about counsellors, that there are a lot of counsellors that are not good. I told him I have looked deep inside myself, am learning from what's happened and am becoming a stronger person. He then quickly said he had to go. I probably said too much and scared him off.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Good for you, Perfect responses to H. That is great he is asking about books you read as well. Good signs. You are doing a great job and sounds like you are in contorl.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Addie, you are doing so great, keep it up, your H is talking about counseling, that is great. I know you feel like you backslid a little with your last comment but your H is coming to you, I see it, he is talking in WE terms of the future. Keep with what you are doing, it IS working.
Your posts are so inspiring! I know you may not feel like it, but to me, you seem to be a pillar of strength! I am struggling to get to the kind of detachment that you have and SO and I are still together, trying to work through some issues. I would love to hear more about what you did to get to a place where you could detach. My post is "can't stop talking" if you're interested in offering your tips! Sounds like you are doing a great job!
Hi Jen, CBK, Ping, Confused, W2G! Thanks for your words of encouragement. I always welcome the feedback.
Confused - thanks for stopping by my thread. I'm glad my posts have been inspiring to you. Detachment does not happen overnight. It takes a long time to get there. I don't think I'm completely there but am feeling much more stable. I'll stop by your thread soon.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I'm back and need to do tons of reading to catch up with everyone's posts. You sound great, very strong, very confident
Talk to you later, (((hugs))).
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Stella, so glad you're back! Hope you had a great trip.
I need some advice. I've been struggling with feelings of anger and resentment over the last couple of weeks. I feel I need to talk to H about establishing boundaries but don't know how to bring it up without sounding resentful.
Last night H came over to be with S while I went to my dance class. Before I left H took S outside to play ball. While they were outside I peeked in H's overnight bag which i noticed in the entrance way. He had a change of clothes, toothbrush, pyjamas which is what I suspected. I'm having a really hard time with the fact that he assumes he can just stay over whenever he feels like it. He's done this several times (only once has there been s*x). I feel like I am being a doormat and that he is cake eating. A few times he has also come over unannounced and this has bothered me. I'm also thinking about how all of this may be affecting our S11. He has seen H in our bed a few times when he's gotten up in the mornings. H comes over, spends time, has dinner with us, etc. This must really be confusing S. What kind of messages are we sending him about R, M and commitment?
Anyhow he didn't stay last night - I assume it's because he sensed how distant I was. I got back about an hour later than usual from my class. I was talking to some people for a while after class. Then I went for a drive trying to figure out how I'd handle this. When I got home he asked me if I was ok, that he tried to call my cell to find out if I was alright but it was off. Funny how he tells me nothing about his life but expects me to fill him in on my whereabouts. I told him I was ok and left it at that. I was very distant though and this has been building up for some time. He left after a while.
I want to establish boundaries but at the same time I don't want to push him away completely. How do I go about this?
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
