What is happening??

[jules143]

I haven't been on here for awhile because I thought things were going well. My situation:

Me-27
H-30, WAH, EA, quarter-life crisis?
Together 5 years
Married 3 years
no kids
Bomb 4/1/06
Divorce final June '07

WAH said he wasn't happy and moved out 4/1/06. I started DB'ing right after that. We slept together a few times, went out for a drink or dinner a few times during separation. I was doing all the right things DB-wise...GAL (started my Masters degree, moved into a new place, new haircut, etc.), throwing in some 180's that blew his mind. etc.

About 9 months ago, after divorce was final, we started talking more. He had to move in with his mom for awhile (300 miles away from me), but he would come to spend the weekend with me, or I would go down to see him. We still said we loved each other, slept together, talked every day. I was happy with this, knew we weren't ready for anything more right now. He also said he was happy with how things were.

Well, things were great until 3 days ago. I sent him a text about the weekend I was going to be coming to visit in May. He called and said he needed to talk to me, that he met someone over the weekend, and that I could still come and visit but couldn't stay with him. My heart broke...

I know I should have had no expectations, and I honestly don't know what my expectations even were. But now I am devastated, I started NC because I can't deal with talking to him. He says he wants us to stay friends...in his mind, the only change would be that we wouldn't be intimate anymore.

What do I do now? I still love him so much. Do I keep up the NC so he misses me? He said he was sad to lose me from his life. Or do I suffer through and attempt a friendship to keep a place in his life?

[JenInVen]

""He called and said he needed to talk to me, that he met someone over the weekend, and that I could still come and visit but couldn't stay with him. My heart broke...""

I'm sorry that things have changed. It seems to me that he couldn't possibly have met this person "over the weekend". Do you think he may have been seeing someone and it's gotten more serious?

Jen

[jules143]

Thanks for your response, Jen. I have no idea if this has gone on any longer than this past weekend. I had the same suspicion myself. Regardless, it hurts because I thought we were making progress.

Any advice on if I should continue the NC or should I try to stay in his life as a friend (which is what he says he wants)? It seems to me that he can't miss me unless I go away, so that's why NC made sense to me. Is this the right move?

Jules

[JenInVen]

Hi. Yes, I know it hurts. I thought my H was 100% honest with me in Feb. But I've found out since then that's not the case.

It's true that he needs to miss you. Lots of people go dim here. They won't initiate any contact with their S and will only answer/reply to the S after a certain amount of time. Such as S calls and they will let the call go to the VM then they'll call back in a couple of hours of the next day (depending upon the importance of the call).

I found dim very difficult because we have a D6 and a company together. But I have cut back on the number of times I contact H.

GL

Jen