- first of all, try to keep in mind WHY he's doing all this. While we're all busy here figuring out logical solutions to this impass, HE'S operating out of a primitive fear of losing contact with you. It's a pretty common scenario I've seen here, where the WAS tries to hold up the divorce with nit-picky issues because deep down they're conflicted about divorcing; they want their addiction (OP) but would really like you to still be there waiting for them to come home. Bear this in mind whenever you interact with him, and ask yourself "will this get me closer to my goal (in this case, a good divorce settlement)". He'll try to push your buttons in order to get attention from you, just like a kid acting out.
- How was this figure arrived at that you would owe your H? Is it based on home equity that is rapidly falling? Make sure that any value assigned to the house equity is based on CURRENT value, and try to see if you can get costs of selling deducted from that. (For instance: Say you have a home worth $100,000 and a mortgage of $80,000. Most people would say you have $20,000 equity, right? But really, if you turned around after the divorce and SOLD the house, you'd have to pay realtor fees, and probably closing costs in this market, and maybe have to fix something - even on a "handyman's special" - just to get it sold. So - after $6,000 realtor fees, $3,000 closing costs, $1,000 repairs - you'd only profit $10,000. So don't trade away $20,000 of, say, pension for only $10,000 of actual housing equity.
- you've mentioned that you would owe him money for debts. Assuming these are mutually acquired debts (not money he spent on OW) - what assurance do you have that he would actually pay off those debts with the money you gave? Will your money go directly to the debts? Will you be on the hook for his half if he stops paying? Whose name is on the credit cards?
- If you lay out some actual numbers for me I could give you more of an idea. House value, current mortgage amount, pensions, debt. And really, spending a little money for a consultation with a lawyer, just to have a clearer idea of what you're entitled to to bring to mediation, is probably a good investment.
