Well the issues with my family have popped back up. For those new to my sitch, my family is not very supportive in my DBing efforts. They want me to just let this go and move on. I got this e-mail from my sister this morning... How’s your day going? Hey, don’t get mad at mom and me when we don’t necessarily tell you what you want to hear. We are always here for you, and we love you, but we have to tell you as we see it – wrong or right. That’s our responsibility as mom and sister.
Here is how I responded... Here is the deal: it doesn't make me angry at all. I completely understand where you guys are coming from. I know that you guys want me to be happy and healthy as quickly as possible. I also know that the fastest way to achieve that is to just accept this and move on. The thing is, I know it is the easiest thing, but I don't necessarily think it is the RIGHT thing. Does that make sense? I know that if I didn't do EVERYTHING I could to fix my marriage, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I would never be able to move on with anyone else because I would always be thinking "What if?" I don't want to have any regrets. I know it is more painful for me to wait this out and see what Josh does, but I really think that right now that is what I need to do.
The only thing that does tend to bother me is when people (not necessarily you or mom) bad-mouth Josh, and talk about him in really negative ways. That is a hard thing to hear because he is still the father of my children, and in spite of all that has happened I still love him.
Like I said, I understand why everyone feels the way they do, and why they give the advice they do. I just know that right now I am doing the right thing for ME and the kids. To me, that is what is important. I will continue to listen to everyone's advice. I honestly appreciate it, but I have to make my own decisions about my life. I don't want anyone upset with me because I don't take their advice. That is all.
The reason I have seemed frustrated is because I feel like sometimes everyone gets tired of talking about it. It does me good to talk about it, but I don't want to start sounding like a broken record. I get the feeling people think, "Oh lord, here she goes again. Talking about this stupid separation." That is why I have been a little more stand-offish. I get the feeling I am dragging people down, and they are frustrated because I am not taking their advice.
I hope you understand.
I am trying to stifle the sitch with the family, but it is getting so frustrating. I just need some time to work through things on my own, not with them pushing me in a direction I don't want to go. I hope I handled this well. I am very close to my sister, and it upsets me to see her mad at me like this.
