Puppy - I scaped the bottom on Monday- don't want to be there again. I have never felt hurt like that and self-pitty. I didn't like me, how in the heck would anybody else. This board pulled me up by my boot straps and slapped me around.
So many things I revisited the other day, my faith, my family, my well-being, and so much more. Tonight, when I go to bed, I am going to look forward to what hurdles will be put in front of me tomorrow. God doesn't give the easy assignments to the weak (at least that is what I keep telling myself) ;-)
The big hurdle tomorrow will be MC - which I hate to call it that since there is no counseling toward marriage, we should rename that to something else. I am going to ask what our goals are and that I need to work on me for awhile before we can work on us, even as friends right now - or something like that. If W finds them valuable, then maybe we can do them monthly - but why on earth should I put myself through that h3ll each week. Also, good news, I have my DB coach in the AM, I am looking forward to it. I am still working on step one, get the negative energy out of the house - that will take some time, but I am proud of myself today, first time in a loooong time.
Thanks for checking up on me Puppy.
Peace,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Just back from a trip to Detroit....and thought I would check in on you before I hit the sack. You sound awesome! Keep doing these little things for your W with ZERO expectations. Don't even expect her to acknowledge them. Unless you have to say something to her (like with the ice cream), don't even say anything to her about them. If you mention it, it could appear to her that you are seeking reinforcement like a compliment or something. You sound great! Keep doing exactly what you did today. Focus on YOU and the KIDS....let God handle your W's healing. She WILL get through this....and it will be a question of how attractive you are when she comes "out of the fog". Don't do anything to damage YOU! Since you've lost a lot of week should you go get some clothes that fit? Make sure you are attractive in every way.
BTW, I think a Doctor would say "it ain't a mystery why you're losing weight...with what you're going through". I lost 75 lbs in 9 months....since gained back 20 as my W and I returned to eating out. But, I kept up the habit of working out 5/6 days a week.
CBK, can you see what God is doing in YOU?
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Glad you back from Detroit. I actually went back and forth about the ice cream, but knew she would not even know it was there and she has not been feeling well. But I see your point. As you know, if that is the worst thing I did today, pretty darn good day! :-)
Yea, isn't rocket science why I am losing weight, but want to get the blood tests, etc... Once I level off, I will get over to Nordstom and get those clothes fitting again and need to start looking at new casual clothes, actually looking forward to that! I have never been much of a shopper, that is because I was lazy! And then I would complain what W bought me! What a schmuck...
My kids are amazing young adults - they are so sensative to both W and me,which is what I would have hopped. Definetely did something right there!
Amazing you lost 75 lbs and kept most of them off - very impressive!
I did re-examin my faith during this rock-bottom experience. I felt I needed to make a decision, I was at a cross-road - as I have said, I am very spiritual person and felt I was letting everybody down. He was with me as I went through this time, I was at the bottom and He was with me. Now I need to let Him handle W's sitc' and I need to worry about me and my kids. I need to be stronger, much stronger.
I am up for the journey.
Thanks Faithful,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
You sound great! Here is some scripture that I kept posted on my mirror throughout my sitch so I would see it every morning when I was shaving:
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
James 1: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
CBK-What a turn around. Proud of you man. Keep up what you are doing. Detach and YOU will feel Better for YOU.
A word of warning and you may already know this, you will still have some days when the old rollercoaster tries to make a stop, (it happened to me for about a 24 hour period in the last couple of days) keep this in you mind and be prepared so you can handle it. It usually happens to me when I start thinking about what effect this will have on my D. When I start thinking about that then I get sort of sad...
I expected nothing in return today, absolutely nothing
CBK, that is the attitude you must take each day....hour by hour if needed (and you will need to some days). You are doing good and we all are thinking of you. Hope you have a good day for YOU today. Don't dwell on the "what if's" today b/c it is useless worry. Think about yourself and the kids and keep that PMA going for you.
Talk to you later.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Last night I was sitting on the porch reading and W thought I was in bed I guess. She was talking to her GF about the sitc' on phone with window open. She said that I was trying to be super husband and she just didn't want it and that on Sunday I was touching her on the hip and that bothered her. She wants to give OM until Oct. in her mind because she is in so deep emotionally with him, but feels she needs to start protecting herself. I then got up and walked back into the house.
My reactions - she is looking for things against me right now. Does this bother me, sure, but I am acting "as if". She probably thought I went to the store for her last night, I guess I shouldn't have bought that ice cream..., but actually, we were out of water, milk and fruit - so why should I depend on her to go to the store. That wasn't super husband, that was doing somehting for me and kids. As for the other guy and Oct. 1 - well, we will have to see. This isn't my W talking, this is a stranger. I hope she does protect herself from this guy, but right now, she is choosing not too, which is not good for her. Does Oct. 1 bother me, nope, I gave myself an internal date of May 1, 2009!
Well, just wanted to post this.
Peace,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
She wants to give OM until Oct. in her mind because she is in so deep emotionally with him, but feels she needs to start protecting herself.
And this is absolutely why I've been encouraging you to protect YOURself, too, CBK. One of the sad truths about affairs is that you have to come to grips with the fact that -- at least temporarily -- the one that you swore to forsake all others for does NOT have the marriage's (or even the family's) best interests at heart in their current state. As the emotional attachment grows stronger, these will intensify from mere "apathy" to "antagonistic" to "destructive," as the addiction of the affair becomes so strong and the betrayed spouse becomes seen as keeping the addict from the source of their pleasure.
You are right on - I think I am between antagonistic and destructive right now and I am the one that is keeping her from where she thinks she wants to be. I am definetly in self protection mode and now. A friend said that she is way ahead of you on this. I had the bomb 6 weeks ago, she has been dealing with this a long time and has been preparing. He actaully kind of cracked me up when he said the score is like CBK 10, CBK's W 70 - so even though you are starting to "score", you still need to protect yourself.
I still feel pretty good right now, some stomach turning. M and Sandie are right - hour by hour. I actually slept until 4:15 this morning - that is a full hour longer than usual - and no sleep aid except for natural herbs.
Big counseling session today, getting prepared. My DB coach was very helpful on the approach - just need to put it into play.
Peace,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
You are right on - I think I am between antagonistic and destructive right now and I am the one that is keeping her from where she thinks she wants to be. I am definetly in self protection mode and now. A friend said that she is way ahead of you on this. I had the bomb 6 weeks ago, she has been dealing with this a long time and has been preparing. He actaully kind of cracked me up when he said the score is like CBK 10, CBK's W 70 - so even though you are starting to "score", you still need to protect yourself.
I still feel pretty good right now, some stomach turning. M and Sandie are right - hour by hour. I actually slept until 4:15 this morning - that is a full hour longer than usual - and no sleep aid except for natural herbs.
Big counseling session today, getting prepared. My DB coach was very helpful on the approach - just need to put it into play.
Peace,
CBK
Not go go all political here, but I think it's a real appropriate analogy:
Think of the War on Terror. They had declared war on us back in the 80s and early 90s. It took us until 9/11 to realize that we were in for the fight of our lives, and finally start to take action.
