Rekindling the 'Joie'

[sandi2]

Hi, I just wanted to let you know I have spent the entire evening trying to read most of your stitch. Honey, you are no longer a "newbie"....lol. Gosh, it has been an amazing story to say the very least! I started out trying to make notes to remind myself what I wanted to go back to to comment on and then I would read further to see how you dealt with that....so eventually, I stopped with the note taking and just read until I gave out...lol.

I think the fact that you stopped by and visited me on my thread and had some kind things to say has a lot to say about you as a person. Although I was almost a WAW and I did have an EA with a man on line that I have never met in person........however the man was not married and had been divorced many years. I'm not trying to justify my turning to him for emotional fulfillment, but I just wanted you to know that I was not breaking up his marriage.....however, I was breaking up my own M by my actions.

I don't think I could have ever done what you have if I had been in your shoes.....but it looks as though it has paid off. I do believe this OW is going to hold the court thing over your H's head and drag it out as long as she can, b/c that is all the leverage she has right now. She knows she has lost to you, so now she is just revengeful. I'm no expert in this, but perhaps if you could not bring up the subject or even her name to your H any more than is absolutely necessary....it would be to your advantage. I think he is so bummed out over her and the fear of her bringing a law suit against him. BTW, how bad was she hurt?

I can't believe she is still calling YOU! I think I would refuse to talk to her. She just wants to push your buttons and place doubts into your mind like she did when she suggested that your H was cheating on both of you with another OW! And how she was like trying for the two of you to get chummy and side against him.....that was all a part of her game b/c of her desperation. I'm glad that you were smart enough not to fall for any of that.

When she sees that she cannot interfere with you two and that you and your H are going to move on and live your lives without her in spite of any actions she tries.....I believe she will finally throw in the towel.

I also applaud you for not stooping to her level in trying to win you H's attention. Showing more class always works for that person's advantage, and clearly the OW had as low class as you can get! It is MHO that H's find women that are lower class and much different from their W's to make them (the H) feel better about themselves. It's kind of like women that put others down to make themselves look better.....know what I mean? It is a sign of low self esteem and I think that is what a lot of H's do when they have an A with that caliber of woman.

I know myself well enough to know how hard it would be to keep my mouth shut about the OW calling, etc. or whatever her latest game play was.....but your H is weary of it all and now I think he is looking for peace. I believe he needs you to help him have peace in his own home, so if you could refrain from bringing up the subject of the OW.....I believe it would be very good (and you would be a saint!)

I have not had experience with the drinking problems and I don't want to sound "preachy", but I really am concerned that he is not going to make it in a MR or in any area of life until he gets help with the drinking problem. It sounds very serious to me and has caused so much heartache for both of you. I'm sure he knows this but now it is beyond his control. Do you think he would get on a program or take that medicine that was mentioned? I had not heard about that. Sounds effective, but I bet it is a scary feeling if it makes you feel like you are having a heart attack if you drink.

Anyway, I wanted to reply to your stitch and let you know that I was interested and did read it and I think you are probably one of the strongest women, in your own right, that I have ever known as far as hanging in there and not giving up. That has got to be an encouragement to many people here on the board and you will be able to help others from your own experiences.

Oh, before I go....when I was reading your first couple of posts when you talked about your H criticizing you for not wanting to have sex and that your sex drive was lower than his, etc. I went through that for sooooo many years, and it does do something to a woman....it does a lot of things to her. I am happy for you that you were able to overcome that. There is another poster or two on here that went through a similar stitch and made a complete turn around and her H didn't know what to think about her either! Well I could talk a lot longer about all of that, but it's too late at night. Maybe another time.

It's late and this ole gal has got to hit the sack. Take care and hope to talk to you later.

Sandi