I think I am caught up. Again, if I missed something let me know. I am getting to the point where this stuff is blending together. And with your post lock coming on I am switching back and forth.
#1.. I don't think you have the time needed to plan and implement a LRT. 3 months ago sure.. now.. not so much. So at this point we are left with Going Dark.
Now.. Why would you go dark? To me the most important thing you could do right now is send a message.. a clear one.. that this is unacceptable. Again.. I have stated what he is doing is the ultimate foul. Don't think that I am letting that play into my recommendation for you. I want you to work it out. I want you to have a full and happy life. The last thing I want for you is for you to be a single mother. Trust in that.
Now I have said many times.. "People only listen when they want to." I hope you are ready to listen. What I am going to suggest is going to "feel" wrong. Everything about you is going to fight you. Thats why I asked do you have "busy work". You are going to need it. Lots of it.
Now.. I am a "Drama Queen" and I will say what I think. If you make the commitment and follow thru you will gain something from all this. Don't take what I say personally. Argue with me, show me why your way is better. I will respond to that.
So DB'ing is all about goals..
2 things come to my mind in your situation.
#1.. You need to build some small connections.
#2.. Your husband needs to move toward you a bit.
So with that in mind..
Off we go...
#1.. Go dark completely. I would like to see you do this for 2 weeks.. but we have the 9th coming up. You will need money. I would like for you to have something in place to force that but you can't really implement it that quick.
No communication. Disregard it all. Email, Texts, Phone calls.. All of it. No Communication. This sets up you saying "I don't agree with what you are doing". You are setting a boundary. This is strong DB'ing. Your boundaries are where it starts the quicker you create them the better off you are. Again the message needs to be "I want none of this". At the same time the flip side of that is he will have to face.. this was his choice. Like they say.. For each action.. there is a equal and opposite reaction. RWS is on the fence with this and I can see her point. To me he needs to show some interest first. Then we can adjust. This needs to be a "business" until the "partner" shows some money.
Now.. regarding the money. I want you to fake it a bit. You need to impress upon him that you are willing to take the next step.. actually I can see a white lie that you may have done that. No more are you going to put the money in the bank.. but ask is the money there? If the answer is no.. ask why not? If you get some gibberish.. reaffirm it should be there yesterday.
In the background of all that I really think you need to look at taking the next step. Have those papers ready. I think just being pregnant with his baby is enough. (RWS would know). Having those papers will give you some backbone.
I really want you in a pointed position. You are no where close to that right now. A pointed position has 2 outcomes. It either works or it goes the other way. What it does is makes the situation predictable.
Example.. Going Dark..
He moves away.
He moves closer.
Very simple.. and it left you in control. This was a decision you made for you.. no matter the outcome.
He is doing the same thing to you and you can't see it. Moving closer can have many faces.. they are easy to see. That "Face" I can help you with.
He moved out.. ILYBNILWY.. Whatever.
You move closer.
You move away.
OW.. Maybe pregnant. Engagement.
You move closer.
You move away.
I will give you 2 guesses which way you went. You should have been doing the opposite of what you did. That's DB'ing.
You should have smiled and waved your fakest wave. You should have helped him pack and delivered his stuff to her house. You should have cheered him on in the new pregnancy. I don't care how fake it was.
Instead you chased him down the street yelling "you can't do this".
Now.. how do you stop it?
I have a habit of answering my own questions.
The opposite of what you were doing is a good place to start.
Are you game? Can we fake it till we make it?
If so.. read the signature..
It's all up to you. You have to call it.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
