Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Hey all - CA is an interesting state. I did talk to L about the A, doesn't matter in Cali... Here is the "nice" side of CBK - we have been together a long time, and although she stepped outside of the M, I have my fair share of blame for the unraveling of the M - I take full responsibility for that. We have a nice life style for CA living and she does deserve to keep some of that. She would have a hard time living in our same city if (and I say IF) she moves out. What got me was paying until she remarries or I retire, and the court could rule that out! Although a shock, I go back to what you all taught me, worry about the things I can change, and that is me - yes, you heard me! :-) See, I learn eventually!

I will call doctor tomorrow and see when I can get in. I agree, my weight loss is of concern.

I just got home from hitting a bucket of little white balls with a stick - what a frustrating game! It does take out some aggession though.

Sandie, you are right on about how to treat W - like a guest in my home that has been here several times, so no need to wait on them. She is in her room with the door closed talking to her friends - which is fine, I know she had her IC today as well and she comes back very tired and then calls her GF's, which I think is great. I would rather her talk to me, but that would send me tumbling, tumbling, tumbling down hill.

Kids will be home soon, so I am going to start dinner. Although we both cook, I do enjoy it - we usually split up - whoever cooks, the other cleans, lately, if I cook, I clean, if she cooks, I clean - makes it easier that way.

Will post later - it is hard to believe that two nights ago I was a mental case. I feel more at ease, at least my head does! I didn't take any sleep meds last night and hope to do the same tongith. I actually slept 5 hours straight - for me, that is great.

Peace all,

CBK