Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[sandi2]

Hey CBK, you sound so much better and in more control today. I am still concerned about your weight loss. Even if I didn't put a mouthful of food in my mouth for a month, I wouldn't loose that much weight. You have been under a terrible strain and stress can cause physical problems to happen. Even though you may feel ok physically, please promise that you will keep that doctor's app't. Continued rapid weight loss is your body telling you something isn't right.......hopefully it is the stress and nothing more to add to your problems.

It may not be considered DBing, but I'm glad you talked to your W about your pain and I think you handled it very well by letting her know that you realize that she was in pain for a long time also. Sounds to me like more progress was made that time than when you were in MC session together. Now, that is behind you, there is no point in verbalizing it again. If you still feel the need to put it all on paper---if a D take place.....then that is your decision. Whatever helps you to be able to find peace.

As I was telling you about your wife not being the person you married, I was thinking that she really is a stranger to you b/c you don't know her anymore. Perhaps if you could try to see her through those eyes and even treat her as someone in your home that is a stranger or even like a "guest".....it might help you to detach more. You don't have to entertain her like you would your guest, but you would be polite, etc. Like you did today when she was leaving for work. That was great how you did that. When you sit down for dinner, talk to the kids mostly, and just show politeness to the W. It's all like a mental game, but we do what we have to do to get through it all.

The idea of paying alimony stinks! You would think in a so called "equal rights" world we live in that you would not have to do that......especially if she works and especially if she is the one that files for D! Would the fact that she had an A affect alimony?

Well, try to make yourself eat. Get sleep. Talk to your doctor and see if he can give you something short term to help you get through this. I'll be praying that there is nothing else wrong.

Talk to you later. Keep your chin up.

Sandi