Hey there Gigi, remember me? I have been wanting to post since I saw your message early the other day. Thanks for the update. Lots of good replies too -- seems like many of us still have these ghosts hanging around and kind of haunting us. Maybe we ought to say BOO back and scare them away:) I don't think it works exactly that way but might be worth a try.
You may remember that we were in similar situations with our husbands at the time caught hook, line and sinker by shady ows from foreign lands with all the associated VISA issues. Mine had a baby with the ow overseas before we were even divorced. It was all predictable and obviously the plan. At that time she couldn't even get into the country where he was living. So she and the baby lived in one country (not hers, no one on the planet wants to live there) and he was in another nearby. Darn those silly immigration requirements that wonder about shady people from remote countries. I often think he dragged out the divorce proceedings for some reason related to that.
Anyway, eventually he moved back to the US and they married. He now has two children. One just turned 3, the other is maybe 12 months old.
I have one thought to share about all this. It's possible that your children will realize they have a sibling and want contact. In my case there weren't kids. But I was close with my inlaws and I had to tell them this is not the baby's fault. In fact when it all started I told my MIL you know, there might be grandchildren involved in this one day, you have to keep that in mind. And so they embrace the new family and I have slowly stepped out although I care for them very much. The end point with all that for me was a wedding where I saw the ex and his new family.
My friends say just wait for what will happen eventually. She'll leave him etc... We will see. I truly hope that's not the case and I have more or less accepted that it's not my concern any longer. She has to deal with him now and as much as I loved him it's not easy so good luck to her. Cheers, Wonder
