You can't expect that you'll sit across from someone that you've dated three times, after having your heart broke several times, and expect that it will be the same. I'm frankly surprised that you loved so deeply again right after divorce to get hurt this bad, but those things you pine for are possible with more than one person.
So, she really doesn't care whether you have any contact with her kids? Have you tried? Do you remember their birthdays and holidays? If the kids meant that much to you and she shut you out of their lives as well, does that say anything to you? It does to me.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Maybe you aren't quite ready for anything more than casual. It sometimes takes a while to let someone new into your heart and throw out the other....although, ideally, it's better to get the old love out of your heart before trying to invite anyone new in
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Not to change the subject but I play league.I have a 8 ball team of my own.Do you play APA? Are you dating someone from your team or even where you play? I've seen a lot of dating back and forth between player in my day.Hell I dated someone from my watering hole and I learned a very good lesson.Don't sh!t where you eat.
What I mean by this is when the relationship is over with this girl your dating if she is one of the players your going to have to see her.Or give up your team if facing her is unconfortable.
It sound like your just trying to cover your pain with this girl.But the truth is you have to go through the pain.
How's the drinking? Pool halls are fun but to much drinking can make you depressed.Best to keep that to as few drinks as possible.
Are you eating right? A healthy diet is key to keeping depression at bay.
I hope this didn't come off preachy cause that ain't my style.It's just I know pool players.
Later Friend Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
Pain covering, yes and no. we like doing things together but she is not the one for me. I am also not the one for her but we hang out and do things to keep busy. She is going through a D. It is casual on both ends.
I stayed away from beer for the first 4 months of this. Knew it would be nothing but bad.
I'm eating. Sleeping is a little messed up but it would be that way with my job anyway.
I am looking for that activity that blanks my mind. Just haven't found it yet.
Clearly pesky heart is not ready to hear what the head has to say...hate it when that happens...
Well I am sure your body is taking a stress toll from this mess that your heart is creating.
So you will have to start with the physical to make at least that part feel better. Fortunately the heart has no jurisdiction over endorphines.
What are you doing for exercise these days? What do you enjoy - running. weights, yoga, swimming? What type of physical activity forces you to push your limits? How much water are you drinking? What are you eating?
I've been following your thread and you've got lots of good people giving you great input. It's hard when a R ends, even harder when you the end takes you by surprise. Did it?
Sounds like you need to find closure with this. Did you have closure with your M when it ended?
Quote:
I know the things I would have done with you and for you if I hadn't been tired, frustrated, and preoccupied
At the time of your R, you were not available to it?
Sometimes all you can do is acknowledge what you learned from the situation and take it with you. Of the things you mentioned, do you think they are things that need to be or have been addressed within your life? Make changes for you. Maybe this R was a chance for you to prioritize your life, figuring out things that weren't working. Every interaction we have with another is a chance to learn about ourselves.
R's change our lives. I have friends who, after a break up, make themselves busy. Yes, we all need new activities to help us heal, but there is such a thing as too busy. Sometimes you have to sit in a room all alone and enjoy the company.
I hope you can find peace with this situation. The peace is within you. Don't stop until you find it.
Isn't it just as true to say...if I am complete on my own, I wouldn't need anybody, therefore why have a relationship?
yup
no one NEEDS to be in a relationsip. You are in one because you WANT to be.
What I am saying is that you r wanting seems like desperation and you said you like to be a giver but you are taking from all these relationships...trying to take the good feelings, the icing on the cake
you are not ready to be in a relationship until you are OK with not being onthe receiving end.
You say you would rather be the giver but what you are doing is giving with expectations which isn't giving.
I am only saying this as I have been in a relationship with someone who talked your lines very much...just wanted me to be happy...just wanted me to feel love and I have to say it was smothering it was also rather smug and rubbed me the wrong way when he was going to show me what love really was...like I couldn't figure it out on my own...like I needed someone to take care of me. He said he listened to what I needed but he clearly didn't.
his "love" became smothering and eventually the thought of being with him made me cry...
time to get out
my sweet baboo is much different. I know he loves me (not because he tries to convince me by doing all sorts of stuff but because he just does it) I know sitting across from him and smiling at him makes his heart light up...I see it...I also don't feel obligated to make it happen...
does that make sense?
I too cut off all contact with the other person I had been dating and I cut my kids' contact off with him as well. He was too needy, too clingy...had crossed too many lines for it to be OK for him to remain a part of my life in any capacity.
my advice would be to stop trying to fill the void start trying to figure out why it is there instead
I'll try to tie this into some of what I did wrong in my marriage (where soooooo many things were wrong). I made myself needed, and what I thought was irreplaceable. I made my ex dependent on me in so many ways, and being just as codependent as me, more in fact (on top of additional mental illness), she fed on it and it became a vicious circle.
Now imagine, if you will, being that person who's placed in a spot where they need to be there to make me happy. They have to rely on me for so much. They sure do have a lot of pressure on them, huh? If you NEED someone to receive your love, you're giving with expectations, as fig said. An expectation is an assumption. And we all know about those. So, here you are, with you and umption.
It's time for you to figure out what it is in you that makes you crave someone else's acceptance of you. That's what I'm reading here. Accepting your love, your giving, all that you offer, is validation and acceptance of you. This is tough stuff to look at in ourselves, I know as well as anyone. But you're looking for someone else's acceptance and validation. You're not providing that to yourself. Food for thought.
