More this D of mine is developing and more I am getting upset. It is unfair, and I can't see anymore the purpose to try to save something so rotten. It is true I have been in love with W until now - but not with THIS W, not with the liar sneaky selfish and plain cruel W. While I have many things I need to improve about myself, and other things I need to totally change, I can't see myself as having been an ass or a bad husband or bad father, nothing I can honestly say, "I deserve it". No... I don't. My W wants somebody or something else? I think what she wants is the excitement of the "new" thing, I may be wrong, maybe she really found the "perfect guy" - hey... I am sorry it wasn't me, and I am sorry she has been telling me I was until few months ago and I ended up believing it, but if there is something I know about my W is that she always fished around for attention...she was a time bomb, and a part of me knew it, but choose not to look and go along with it, more for the fear to loose her, it was stupid, I lost her anyway, and with her my family..... Still venting, still with wild mood swings, still thinking what is happening is crazy. Still looking for a calm place inside me where I can relax and lick my wounds.
